Realizing...

Berlin, den 22. Dezember

Guten Morgen Leute,

The past few weeks have been to say the least.. eventful. I've been on vacation so have been fulfilling my time with everything possible. Just a few days ago we had our christmas party from work. Was really nice to have work doing something for us. Makes us feel appreciated. Was a successful evening too! There was about 40 of the trainees there so it was pretty humorous, but that's not the purpose of this post. The real purpose was because of last night. I spent the second half of my day with one of my closest friends. Possibly even one of my best friends. We cooked and watched Dortmund against Berlin and then started drinking. Was a damn good start to my evening if you ask me. We wanted to get to the club early to avoid the wait. We were the first there, also a first for us. Normally we're never present before two a.m. but what the hell. We decided to kill some time by talking to some sketchy dude selling Glühwein from his van. Tasted pretty damn good to be honest. Then the famous ,,Where are you from" question came. This is where the realization all began. My buddy was telling this guy my whole story of how I ended up in Berlin. As he ended his story he said something that hit close to home. He told the guy that when someone fights for their dreams like I did then they can achieve anything. I let that statement sink in and then it hit me. All the loops and hurdles i've conquered. All the bureaucratic bullshit I had to run through. All the ups and downs and the days that I wanted to throw the white flag in. All of that brought me to where I am today: my dream. Since the break up, i've been pretty much depressed and down but hearing that made me realize everything I have done and accomplished. I've lived in Berlin since July 2012. I now have my own apartment with all the things I need. I have a job that I fought 8 months for my contract. I am in school and passing even with me struggling most of the time with the language barrier. I have friends and family (extremely close friends that will always be there for me) here. I have everything that the typical german has and in some cases more. All in that short period of time. I worked my ass of to get me where I am and I am grateful for the support I have had. I have no reason to be depressed and upset.  It brings me nothimg, especially when I have such an amazing life with amazing people around me. With the Christmas season here I am grateful for everything I have and I love everyone who i've had the honor to meet here. For the people who are no longer in my life, thank you. You have helped me grow into the man I have become. I will close this up with something a wise man once told me: ,,there is no such thing as a problem, only a solution". Love the life you live and live the life you love. As always, i'm always open to feedback!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Cory

The mysterious woman from Sweden...

Berlin, den 7. December

God morgon!

Every man loves a challenge, that's a given. Mysterious women kidnap our attention and spin us out of control, but there is always a limit that us men can handle. We love a woman who can have a bit of a wild side and isn't afraid to show it. For me, there's this swedish woman. She stormed into my life and threw everything out of control for me. She hit me blind sighted, didn't even see her coming. Everything went well between us the first few weeks. We talked, and talked, and talked. For hours without break. We talked about visiting one another and trying to see where things could go. She liked me and I liked her. It was clear. We both got jealous and irritated over things that shouldn't matter to someone who doesn't care. Then one day it all changed for her, she decided that she didn't want the distance. Keeping in mind that it's an hour and half flight that can be purchased for less than 50€. Which I can honestly understand because everyone loves being able to be able to have that physical contact they live for, but there are plenty of people who make it work with 5x the distance between them. So was this the true reasoning for her fleeing? We didn't speak for a few weeks, after a few drunk texts from her saying she missed me and me simply ignoring them then something happened. We started talking again. Right where we left off, as nothing ever occurred. This swedish woman is afraid. Simply afraid. Afraid of falling in love, afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of letting someone in. She has a history behind her and that's ok but she has to realized that the past is the past and tomorrow is in full control of her hands. She has to take control of her life and her needs and make them realistic and happen. She's a beautiful, young woman with the world as her oyster. She can have anything, anyone, and go anywhere she wants. That is the beauty of our youth. We live in a society where we feel safer looking outside from the comfort of our home. We need to break out from this and discover our own backyards and when we are done there then onto the neighbors yard. She needs to understand that running away won't save her from pain because it will only make her regret and wonder ,,what if's''. Why should someone sit there and wish that they did something when they very well could? That is my swedish woman for you. She locks herself up in her room called ,,life'' and doesn't wanna step outside. Don't be afraid of the pain. Pain is necessary to learn and grow. If something is meant to be it will be, someone cannot control what they want in life. As we have now seen, she has came back because she still has feelings for me. Those wont simply up and vanish, even if someone wants them too. Why deny the truth in order to lie. Wake up, grab life by the horns and show life who is on top. Love is a wonderful thing that comes with pain a lot of the time, but as it was once described to me: ''Love is like a red button that says cookie on it. We push this red button and every time a bird poops on you. Every 100x we push the button we receive a cookie, the best damn cookie of our life, but we are willing to push that button 99x and get pooped on for that one cookie. That my friend is love!'' It sounds childish but it is true. So where ever you are my mysterious swedish woman, I hope you realize this before you have too many regrets.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
            Cory