Today is not my day..

Berlin, den 28. April

Today is not my day. Today I feel depressed and down. After finding out that all my stuff was stolen and that tonight will be the first time in two weeks that I will sleep at ,,home". I put home in quotation marks because to be honest it doesn't feel like home anymore. It feels like a nightmare. The closer it gets to me going there the more I start to panic. I don't want to be there and definitely not alone! Today is a very quiet and sad day for me because of that, but that is not the only reason I am upset. I am upset because I had to say goodbye once again. As time goes on it gets harder and harder to say goodbye to her. This weekend was more than special. I learned so much about her and she learnef about me and we just simply bonded. It was such a great time. It was sad at times but we opened up and it only made us stronger. I dont wanna say goodbye to her. I hope that one day she doesnt let me say goodbye. I hope that one day she forces me to stay so that we can be together. That would be a dream come true. I just have so much stress right now. I feel like im dying. Its been years since ive been so low into depression and I didn't miss it. Whats weird is when im with her, its 98% gone but as soon as I leave, I get slammed in the face with it all at once. Ive been over emotional and crying. I have health issues that I feel are slowly taking a toll on me and are gonna kill me. I feel homeless and the place that once was a home is no more. I feel empty and alone. I have a few friends but its hard to talk to them. Why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me? I want to be normal and live a happy life again. Everyone who i've talked to says I should up and move to her. That I am young and that I can make it happen there, I just have to fight. I am just so confused. Good thing is I get to see her thursday. I hope she locks me in her room and just lays next to me until the next time I have to say goodbye. I really do. 

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Cory-

This past week..

Von dem Flugzeug, den 22. April,

So my trip to Croatia didn't end up working, so I ended up flying to her in Stockholm for the week. Hands down the best week of my life! I flew in on wednesday the 16th of April. She was waiting for me at the airport with opening arms. We gathered my things and packed up the car and made our way home to Järfälla. The next few days were filled wit seeing people, seeing more of the city, quality family time and of course spending time together. Saturday was a special day. She wasn't feeling good so I went out to gather some things for her while she took a bath to relax. She wanted to cook me dinner and she did it perfectly. Saturday was a day that I can only wish and hope that our relationship will end up like that one day. We worked as a team, cooperating harmoniously as one. The greatest feeling while in a relationship is the feeling of everything being perfect. That no matter what is going on, you feel safe and secure and kniw you're not alone. Was definitely a day to remember! On sunday, we went on a cruise to Finland for our Easter. It was my first time on a cruise ship. Was a blast with her family. I get along with her family so well and it is such a great feeling. They make me feel like part of them and that's an amazing feeling when my family is 8.000 km away. I posted previously about her oarents so I don't think I need to explain much more about them. I love them and am so grateful that they took me in with open arms. Me and her have had our squalls but in the end we always came together and fixed OUR problems. We have learned that it takes two to tango in a relationship and that one cannot function without the other. She does everything to make me happy and I do everything to make her happy and you know what, it's pretty damn close to perfect for us. I have now met a fair amount of her friends: Nathalie, Anna, Zimone, Andreas, Rebecca, Ronja, Ida and some others. Every one of them sees that we are different and that this is different. EVERYONE Supports us and wants that we succeed. So not only do we support one another but we have the love and support from all the friends and family and with that being said our situation couldn't be more perfect, distance aside of course. We have already started talking about our future, nothing for sure but atleast where we wanna go and what we'd like to happen. If she comes to me, how will it work and vice versa. The tough thing is that we have lives in different countries and due to complications it will be hard for us to end up in the same place. Learning the others language and finding a job will be the biggest feat we will face with that move and we have both started talking about how we could make this possibly easier on one another. All I can say is where there is a will there is ALWAYS a way. Whether that be me going to her or her coming to me, I will make sure we make this happen. I assume she feels the same. Everytimr I leave her, I cry. It hurts leaving somethting so beautiful but I know that it will all work out sooner or later and that the best things in life never come easy. All the good things have to be worked for. I could definitely see myself living in a city like Stockholm, not only because of her but because I really enjoy the city. I hope when she comes to Berlin in three weeks that she feels the same. It would mean the workd to me knowing that if I can't come to her that she can come to me. So. I will do my best to make her visit as good as possible. Well, I think that is enough for now. I hope that this feeling never ends.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

  Cory

There really is hope..

Järfälla, den 21. April,

       Today will be a little different. Instead of a post about myself and my life, I would like to write about another person, or should I say couple. This is about Jan and Elisabeth Fast. They have been married for 30 years now, and are still going strong! This is a couple everyone should be looking up to. I may not know them perfectly but I have spent the past weeks around them and have seen that true love really DOES exist. Elisabeth is a loving mother, who puts her children and husband always first. Her job as a mother is a 24/7 job that she does every day gladly with a smile on her face. Her english isn´t perfect but she´s trying and that means a lot to me, it shows me that she has a dedication and is open to something new. She makes sure the house is clean, that everyone has everything they need and so so much more. Then there is Jan, the fisher, house-repairer and everything do-er. This man is like superman! There is nothing he CAN´T do! He makes sure everything in the house is fully functioning, that the family is fed and that his wife wakes up and goes to bed with a smile on. That´s a real man in my eyes. A man with priorities and knows what he wants and needs in his life. They are the definition of a team: when one falls, they both fall. The one cannot function without the other and that is how a marriage should be. Sure they fight but they don´t give up. Sure they probably bash heads and disagree but in the end they always end up making up and life goes on. They accept that everything that happens will only benefit them in the learning experience and help them fix things better in the future. I feel like they deserve a bit of praise because I honestly haven´t personally met a familiy so tight and close like the Fast family. In 2014, that is quite the astonishment for me. I love my family and always will but sometimes I wish my family ended up like theirs. I miss feeling like a have a family. Eating dinner together, talking about our days and just enjoying life. That seems to be the thing here in Sweden, or so it seems. Well, time to go enjoy the summer weather in Sweden. Hej då!

Mit freundlichen Gruessen,

Cory-

A Sunny Day in Stockholm...

Stockholm, den 5. April,

Hey everyone!

Been a few days since I posted anything because work was pretty busy. I started a new department and have had a lot to do. The work is actually really fun and I am excited to continue learning more about it. As you may have already seen, I am currently in Stockholm right now with Josefine. I flew in last night. After a hell of a flight with a broken engine and a drunken finnish guy next to me I made it to my ,,third" home here in Järfälla. It's so nice to finally see my other half again. No one said that a lng distance relationship would be easy but every time I see Josefine I am reminded that no matter what happens there is always something to look forward to! She reminds me every day that there are people with good intentions out there and thats such a relief with the mentalities of most people in this day and age. We don't have anything huge planned on this short two day trip, but it's really nice to just relax. We don't even have to say anything. Just simply enjoying our company, because tomorrow evening I will be back in Berlin and then back to the waiting game. The weird thing is the distance doesn't really bother me. It's quite nice. Means we have to work on trust and that's a major downfall on my side. So this should help me become a better person. Especially since I have the assistance from such an amazing person. I'm trying to make it possible that we see each other as much as possible and as of right now its been working pretty well. We both have our issues but I have faith that we'll overcome them as a pair. Well, I hope atleast. Well, I should probably go back to paying attention to her. I hope you all enjoy your weekend, sure know that I will!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Cory