Berlin, den 29. Oktober
Guten Tag Leute,
Today I have had a lot of down time which means a lot of thinking. I couldn't come up with an answer so I figured I would write here and see what other people have to say. I have been in my fair share of relationships. I have lied, cheated, and used my way through women, but I have also devoted my entire heart to some women that were lucky enough to get me to open up. So you could say I have played on both sides of the field. I have done the hurting and I have felt the hurt. What tends to baffle me is the patters that women see to work in. As far as I can remember, I always got more ,,love'' from the woman I mistreated than the woman I actually cared for and was there for. Something there doesn't add up to me. Shouldn't the man who devotes his life to making his woman smile be the one who gets the better treatment instead of the man who neglects? I mean, in my eyes it should be that way. Now that I have tried being a better person and doing things the right way I have gotten nothing but trampled over and hurt. Sometimes I consider going back to my old ways. I decided I wanted to be a genuine guy and look for something serious rather than some one-night stands, but it seems to be that I had more luck with finding a woman who cares by using them than actually be a gentleman. I do not understand how that works, nor can I come even close to grasping how women think. I have always been told by my father ,,never try to understand the mind of a woman, you'll only hurt yourself trying'' and man does that statement live true. I sometimes don't even know how to act around a woman anymore because I have simply been hurt so much in the past two years for reasons I cannot even explain. I mean I am by no means perfect and I know I have flaws but why is it that I cannot be accepted for who I am and loved by someone? I don't feel like that is much to ask, is it? I guess time will tell. I just hope something works in my favor soon because no matter what I do, I cannot sleep alone and not wake up 20x a night. Trust me, I have tried everything from herbal supplements to doctors to self-help remedies. Nothing works, but magically when I have someone sleep over I can peacefully rest. I spent last night at a friends house for the first time in ages and I personally hate sleeping in someone elses bed but I knew that I would be more comfortable there than in my own bed. All because of my past relationships and me being used to someone being there. I'm a fucked up person, a really fucked up person. I just would like to know when someone will take the time to help me fix myself?
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
My runaway weekend in Norway...
Berlin, den 28. Oktober
Hei or Hej,
Whichever you prefer, they both mean hello in Norwegian. I decided late Thursday evening that I was gonna fly on Friday after work to Norway. Oslo to be more specific. I have always had a weird obsession with Norway although I have never actually visited so I decided it might be nice to actually see the capital and decide if it held up to my expectations. I must say that Scandinavia as a whole is an interesting area for me. I have always found it intriguing. So here is how my trip went. After a stressful day of work and rushing to the airport I finally was able to meet with my friend Kiki, oh wait, yeah my friend also decided thursday that she was gonna come with me so I didn't have to go alone. Always nice to have company if you ask me! Ok, back to the story: so we checked ourselves in at eight in the evening, boarded and a very short hour and half flight later we were in Norway! My first impression? Extremely dark. I couldn't see anything and it was not even ten, but Scandinavia is known for their dark winters. So it wasn't much of a surprise. It was drizzling as we made out way out of the airport to the train station. We bought ourselves our tickets and went on the search for our hostel. The city is surprisingly small and easy to navigate. We got to the hostel, checked in, dropped our stuff off and went right back outside to check the area out. We were situated in the popular area of Grünerløkka. The city is immaculately clean and in flawless condition, but that should be expected in the worlds most expensive city! Around one we decided to hit the hay because we wanted to get up early and see the city. We left the hostel around 8 am, where we were met by more rain. We decided to make our way to St. Hanshaugen, which is a park where you can see the city. Sadly, the rain was too hard to see the city but on the way there we got to see all the different styles of housing and that made the trip worth while. After that we decided to head down to the water and see the waterfront this city had to offer. We got there just in time, the rain decided to give up and leave and we were left at the water with the sound of birds migrating. The waterfront of Oslo is simply breath taking with views into the Oslofjord. We then made out way to the Opera House (Operahuset), which we then went to the top there and took photos from all corners. At that given point I realized the city lived up to my expectations. We then went around town and looked at stores and laughed about how expensive the city was. When I say expensive, I mean EXPENSIVE. A Whopper menu will run you about 14€/18$, a medium pizza about 24€/30. Oslo was sickening expensive but after research one would also see that they earn much much more than other countries. So that compensates for the price differences. We spent the rest of the day literally jumping on and off subways, trams and buses looking at all the stuff to see. Was never a dull moment! Sunday, was also raining but not so bad. We decided to take the ferry to GRESSHOLMEN - RAMBERGØYA and checked out the nature side of Oslo and that was probably the highlight for me. I saw so many amazing things from the norwegian houses to the city to the hills and mountains. Was definitely worth the two hours being stranded there. The rest of my sunday was spent winding down and enjoying the hostel. We flew back this morning, I landed into rain and was quickly reminded that it was time to go back to real life. It was a well needed runaway weekend to get away from all the stress I am having right now, but sadly the stress is back. I will post some pictures from the trip for you guys. As always, thanks for reading and feel free to comment.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Hei or Hej,
Whichever you prefer, they both mean hello in Norwegian. I decided late Thursday evening that I was gonna fly on Friday after work to Norway. Oslo to be more specific. I have always had a weird obsession with Norway although I have never actually visited so I decided it might be nice to actually see the capital and decide if it held up to my expectations. I must say that Scandinavia as a whole is an interesting area for me. I have always found it intriguing. So here is how my trip went. After a stressful day of work and rushing to the airport I finally was able to meet with my friend Kiki, oh wait, yeah my friend also decided thursday that she was gonna come with me so I didn't have to go alone. Always nice to have company if you ask me! Ok, back to the story: so we checked ourselves in at eight in the evening, boarded and a very short hour and half flight later we were in Norway! My first impression? Extremely dark. I couldn't see anything and it was not even ten, but Scandinavia is known for their dark winters. So it wasn't much of a surprise. It was drizzling as we made out way out of the airport to the train station. We bought ourselves our tickets and went on the search for our hostel. The city is surprisingly small and easy to navigate. We got to the hostel, checked in, dropped our stuff off and went right back outside to check the area out. We were situated in the popular area of Grünerløkka. The city is immaculately clean and in flawless condition, but that should be expected in the worlds most expensive city! Around one we decided to hit the hay because we wanted to get up early and see the city. We left the hostel around 8 am, where we were met by more rain. We decided to make our way to St. Hanshaugen, which is a park where you can see the city. Sadly, the rain was too hard to see the city but on the way there we got to see all the different styles of housing and that made the trip worth while. After that we decided to head down to the water and see the waterfront this city had to offer. We got there just in time, the rain decided to give up and leave and we were left at the water with the sound of birds migrating. The waterfront of Oslo is simply breath taking with views into the Oslofjord. We then made out way to the Opera House (Operahuset), which we then went to the top there and took photos from all corners. At that given point I realized the city lived up to my expectations. We then went around town and looked at stores and laughed about how expensive the city was. When I say expensive, I mean EXPENSIVE. A Whopper menu will run you about 14€/18$, a medium pizza about 24€/30. Oslo was sickening expensive but after research one would also see that they earn much much more than other countries. So that compensates for the price differences. We spent the rest of the day literally jumping on and off subways, trams and buses looking at all the stuff to see. Was never a dull moment! Sunday, was also raining but not so bad. We decided to take the ferry to GRESSHOLMEN - RAMBERGØYA and checked out the nature side of Oslo and that was probably the highlight for me. I saw so many amazing things from the norwegian houses to the city to the hills and mountains. Was definitely worth the two hours being stranded there. The rest of my sunday was spent winding down and enjoying the hostel. We flew back this morning, I landed into rain and was quickly reminded that it was time to go back to real life. It was a well needed runaway weekend to get away from all the stress I am having right now, but sadly the stress is back. I will post some pictures from the trip for you guys. As always, thanks for reading and feel free to comment.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
 |
| From the island |
 |
| From the island |
 |
| Panorama from the Opera House |
 |
| in Karl Johans Gate |
 |
| in Holmenkollen |
 |
| A few of the bigger buildings |
 |
| A residential apartment building |
 |
| Downtown at the Sentralstasjon |
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Life Goes On...
Berlin, den 20. Oktober
My life is like a roller coaster right now. I never know if I am in a good mood or bad mood. I guess this is what comes with a big break up? Well, I made use of my day yesterday and hung out at a friends house for about 8 hours and just talked about things and played with her pet rabbit, which is quite the cutest little thing! I have learned that as long as I keep my mind off things and avoid being home, that I can get by pretty well. It is once I get home and settle in and look around and see her stuff laying around, that's when things become rough for me. I still haven't lost hope in us though. I don't think I will either. Not anytime soon at least. Whatever. I need to live my life for me and if she wants me she'll come get me. In the meantime, getting by on the daily grind. I realized that I have minimal friends here, maybe a total of 2 or 3 that I can call at any time and they'll be there for me. I decided that I need to start cooking again, so you guys might see some blogs about food. IF you don't mind! In other news, I am almost at 1.000 views! Amazing! I never thought so many people would actually be interested in my posts. Kind've makes me feel better and lets me know there are people that care about me. I thank you all for the support to write. I actually used to hate writing but over the years I have became more and more fond of it. If there is anything you guys would like to see me write about then write it in the comments below. I don't know what to do about her anymore. A part of me is telling me not to go but a part of me is. I can't sit here and wait for her to come to her senses and realize how important she is to me, or can I? Well some food for thought. Have a wonderful evening or day for my American friends!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
My life is like a roller coaster right now. I never know if I am in a good mood or bad mood. I guess this is what comes with a big break up? Well, I made use of my day yesterday and hung out at a friends house for about 8 hours and just talked about things and played with her pet rabbit, which is quite the cutest little thing! I have learned that as long as I keep my mind off things and avoid being home, that I can get by pretty well. It is once I get home and settle in and look around and see her stuff laying around, that's when things become rough for me. I still haven't lost hope in us though. I don't think I will either. Not anytime soon at least. Whatever. I need to live my life for me and if she wants me she'll come get me. In the meantime, getting by on the daily grind. I realized that I have minimal friends here, maybe a total of 2 or 3 that I can call at any time and they'll be there for me. I decided that I need to start cooking again, so you guys might see some blogs about food. IF you don't mind! In other news, I am almost at 1.000 views! Amazing! I never thought so many people would actually be interested in my posts. Kind've makes me feel better and lets me know there are people that care about me. I thank you all for the support to write. I actually used to hate writing but over the years I have became more and more fond of it. If there is anything you guys would like to see me write about then write it in the comments below. I don't know what to do about her anymore. A part of me is telling me not to go but a part of me is. I can't sit here and wait for her to come to her senses and realize how important she is to me, or can I? Well some food for thought. Have a wonderful evening or day for my American friends!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Saturday, October 19, 2013
The Aftermath...
Berlin, den 19. Oktober
So today is the first day of being so to say ,,single''. I can tell right off the bat I am not gonna be a fan of being without her, but what can someone do when the feelings just aren't there? Nothing. Just have to accept that it is over. Although, I have to say, as she was here yesterday.. for close to four hours, something just wasn't right. As she went through all her emotions and I told her what I felt, something didn't add up in my head. I have been in my fair share of good and bad relationships so I feel I can make a decent judgement now. To me, this isn't over and won't be for a while. She read my last blog and knows how I feel now. Now is the waiting game for me because I was always told that if you want something you have to fight for it and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Not the way I was before though, this time I will let her be herself and do what she wants and be there for her if she needs me. She wants her freedom of being alone and being able to do what she wants and not always have to feel she has to let me know what's going on. Those are normal traits in a relationship. That is why she has chosen to leave. We are not mad or bitter at one another. When she left last night it was like we were still together and was no longer a goodbye but rather a see you later. That is what didn't add up with me, if she TRULY wanted out and to be away then I would have felt that from her and not that a part of her still wants me. She can say what she wants but emotions and tears do not lie. So for now I am gonna do my best to not worry about it and try to live my life on my own again. If she wants me, which I think she still does, she'll realize after a period of time that she needs me back. If not, then it really was not meant to be but I am a pessimist and trying to be positive here. Negative thoughts bring negative events. I love her and will always be there for her. She has lightened up on being so cold and has been texting me slightly more. It's nice to hear from her, even if I cannot have her. I like to hear how her day was or what she did or anything honestly. I really do wish I could easily let go but I just can't. Something in me tells me not to. Today, I will try to meet up with people to side track my mind and I will probably clean the house and have some people over tonight. Well, that's all for today. Enjoy your weekend everyone!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
So today is the first day of being so to say ,,single''. I can tell right off the bat I am not gonna be a fan of being without her, but what can someone do when the feelings just aren't there? Nothing. Just have to accept that it is over. Although, I have to say, as she was here yesterday.. for close to four hours, something just wasn't right. As she went through all her emotions and I told her what I felt, something didn't add up in my head. I have been in my fair share of good and bad relationships so I feel I can make a decent judgement now. To me, this isn't over and won't be for a while. She read my last blog and knows how I feel now. Now is the waiting game for me because I was always told that if you want something you have to fight for it and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Not the way I was before though, this time I will let her be herself and do what she wants and be there for her if she needs me. She wants her freedom of being alone and being able to do what she wants and not always have to feel she has to let me know what's going on. Those are normal traits in a relationship. That is why she has chosen to leave. We are not mad or bitter at one another. When she left last night it was like we were still together and was no longer a goodbye but rather a see you later. That is what didn't add up with me, if she TRULY wanted out and to be away then I would have felt that from her and not that a part of her still wants me. She can say what she wants but emotions and tears do not lie. So for now I am gonna do my best to not worry about it and try to live my life on my own again. If she wants me, which I think she still does, she'll realize after a period of time that she needs me back. If not, then it really was not meant to be but I am a pessimist and trying to be positive here. Negative thoughts bring negative events. I love her and will always be there for her. She has lightened up on being so cold and has been texting me slightly more. It's nice to hear from her, even if I cannot have her. I like to hear how her day was or what she did or anything honestly. I really do wish I could easily let go but I just can't. Something in me tells me not to. Today, I will try to meet up with people to side track my mind and I will probably clean the house and have some people over tonight. Well, that's all for today. Enjoy your weekend everyone!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Low of All Lows...
Berlin, den 17. Oktober
This post will probably be the deepest, most emotional post I will ever write. This post is about you. You know who you are and know why I am where I am. I spent the last year of my life with you. We had our ups and downs with one another, but that comes with a relationship. So as I sit here feeling depressed and alone with nowhere to go, I would just like to let you know how I feel. You would never listen to me in person when I had to express emotions so maybe now you will listen to me. I loved you and still do love you. You changed me. Made me into a better person, a stronger person, a lover and a fighter. You taught me that one should never give up on what they want because where there is a will there is always a way. I do not hate you, nor am I mad at you. I am simply disappointed. I am disappointed to see us leave. I had so many plans for us: I wanted a family with you, I wanted to make you my wife, I wanted to see the world with you, and there are so so many more. Now it is all too late because you have decided leaving is better than staying. Your happiness is all that matters to me so if you are happy without me then so be it. It hurts me to know that I will come home to a home that I cannot even call my home anymore. Why? Because I spent the last year of my life laying in bed, cuddling and watching movies with you, cooking dinner with you, making love to you, and even fighting with you. Our home became a place of sanction for me. I knew that whenever I came home there was a piece of you there waiting for me, but now that is all gone. I will come home and lay in a bed that was once ours. I will brush my teeth in a mirror that was once ours. I will do the laundry that was once ours. I know your mind is made, but this is my final cry, for after this time tomorrow we will no longer be a couple. We will have decided who gets what and where we go from here. This kills me even typing this because you are all I want. Do you know what it is like to love someone more than anything else on this earth? Do you know what it feels like to come home and call someones name and not get a response? Do you know what it feels like knowing that the only thing that makes you happy is being ripped right from your hands? The thing is, you don't. You have never experience pain like I am right now. You are not heartbroken like me, because you spent the last months sitting on the fence gazing on both sides of being in a relationship and being single. This is no surprise to you because this has been in your mind, but for me, this is a catastrophic happening. I fought and fought and fought for you. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for you. Just for me to sit here right now and have no choice but to accept failure, to accept that my love was just not good enough. In all honesty, I am fucked. I made the mistake of planning my life around you and now that you are no longer there I am fucked. I have no money to live anymore, 60€ a month. I have to go to the same work with you and try to fake my happiness. I have to see the same friends as you. No matter what I do, you were a part of my decisions and now I screwed up. Chances are I have to move back to America, not because I want to but because I have no options. My life couldn't be any worse right now. This is the low of all lows for me. I thought I knew what love is but until you told me today that you were happier without me and decided we were better off apart, that is when I realized what love is. That is when it hit me that a piece of me will always be missing now. The thing is, you spent the last year being indecisive, not just with me, with your life. You refused to open up and communicate with anyone with the problems you are facing. You refused to accept that maybe just maybe I was right in something. You refused to open up your heart and let me show you everything I could do for you. Now I was far from perfect and did about everything wrong in the beginning of this, but I fought for change and succeeded, but does that even matter anymore? Does the fact that I changed everything about me that you made me realize was wrong matter? The fact that I went to all ends of the world to make sure I did exactly what you wanted and needed? Sit back and think about that because I can promise you there will be no man on this earth that will love you like I can. Sure that sounds cocky or whatever, but it's not. It is a cold hard fact because I fought so long for you, just for you to always leave me on the sideline because you could never decide if I was right for you. I loved you like a mother loves her newborn, and still do. So please think before you come tomorrow. Please make some last minute thoughts and make sure that this is truly what YOU want. Do not end up down the road realizing that you made a mistake and want me to take you back because quite honestly, i'm not sure I could take you back. Now for anyone who decides to read this, let me just inform you on some things. I love her and only here. Even if this sounds horrible, I am not mad at her nor do I hate her. I will always love her and have a very special place for her in my heart. She is an amazing beautiful woman that has helped me in so many ways. I am forever grateful for the gift of being able to spend this year with her. As for you, you know who you are, make sure this is what you truly want. That is my very last and final plead.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
This post will probably be the deepest, most emotional post I will ever write. This post is about you. You know who you are and know why I am where I am. I spent the last year of my life with you. We had our ups and downs with one another, but that comes with a relationship. So as I sit here feeling depressed and alone with nowhere to go, I would just like to let you know how I feel. You would never listen to me in person when I had to express emotions so maybe now you will listen to me. I loved you and still do love you. You changed me. Made me into a better person, a stronger person, a lover and a fighter. You taught me that one should never give up on what they want because where there is a will there is always a way. I do not hate you, nor am I mad at you. I am simply disappointed. I am disappointed to see us leave. I had so many plans for us: I wanted a family with you, I wanted to make you my wife, I wanted to see the world with you, and there are so so many more. Now it is all too late because you have decided leaving is better than staying. Your happiness is all that matters to me so if you are happy without me then so be it. It hurts me to know that I will come home to a home that I cannot even call my home anymore. Why? Because I spent the last year of my life laying in bed, cuddling and watching movies with you, cooking dinner with you, making love to you, and even fighting with you. Our home became a place of sanction for me. I knew that whenever I came home there was a piece of you there waiting for me, but now that is all gone. I will come home and lay in a bed that was once ours. I will brush my teeth in a mirror that was once ours. I will do the laundry that was once ours. I know your mind is made, but this is my final cry, for after this time tomorrow we will no longer be a couple. We will have decided who gets what and where we go from here. This kills me even typing this because you are all I want. Do you know what it is like to love someone more than anything else on this earth? Do you know what it feels like to come home and call someones name and not get a response? Do you know what it feels like knowing that the only thing that makes you happy is being ripped right from your hands? The thing is, you don't. You have never experience pain like I am right now. You are not heartbroken like me, because you spent the last months sitting on the fence gazing on both sides of being in a relationship and being single. This is no surprise to you because this has been in your mind, but for me, this is a catastrophic happening. I fought and fought and fought for you. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for you. Just for me to sit here right now and have no choice but to accept failure, to accept that my love was just not good enough. In all honesty, I am fucked. I made the mistake of planning my life around you and now that you are no longer there I am fucked. I have no money to live anymore, 60€ a month. I have to go to the same work with you and try to fake my happiness. I have to see the same friends as you. No matter what I do, you were a part of my decisions and now I screwed up. Chances are I have to move back to America, not because I want to but because I have no options. My life couldn't be any worse right now. This is the low of all lows for me. I thought I knew what love is but until you told me today that you were happier without me and decided we were better off apart, that is when I realized what love is. That is when it hit me that a piece of me will always be missing now. The thing is, you spent the last year being indecisive, not just with me, with your life. You refused to open up and communicate with anyone with the problems you are facing. You refused to accept that maybe just maybe I was right in something. You refused to open up your heart and let me show you everything I could do for you. Now I was far from perfect and did about everything wrong in the beginning of this, but I fought for change and succeeded, but does that even matter anymore? Does the fact that I changed everything about me that you made me realize was wrong matter? The fact that I went to all ends of the world to make sure I did exactly what you wanted and needed? Sit back and think about that because I can promise you there will be no man on this earth that will love you like I can. Sure that sounds cocky or whatever, but it's not. It is a cold hard fact because I fought so long for you, just for you to always leave me on the sideline because you could never decide if I was right for you. I loved you like a mother loves her newborn, and still do. So please think before you come tomorrow. Please make some last minute thoughts and make sure that this is truly what YOU want. Do not end up down the road realizing that you made a mistake and want me to take you back because quite honestly, i'm not sure I could take you back. Now for anyone who decides to read this, let me just inform you on some things. I love her and only here. Even if this sounds horrible, I am not mad at her nor do I hate her. I will always love her and have a very special place for her in my heart. She is an amazing beautiful woman that has helped me in so many ways. I am forever grateful for the gift of being able to spend this year with her. As for you, you know who you are, make sure this is what you truly want. That is my very last and final plead.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Monday, October 14, 2013
The Light at the End of the Tunnel...
Berlin, den 14. Oktober
Good evening my fellow readers. I hope everyone had a good day just as I did. I am off from work this week so that I can attend ,,Berufsschule''. With the Management Training Program I am doing here, we have one week a month of school and that is the main component of my week right now. In this school we learn different areas in the first year: our rights as ,,Azubis'', business math, working in the kitchen (technical and classroom), service (technical and classroom), etc. Today, we focused mainly on what our rights are and what is expected from us, what our companies rights are and what we expect from them, BMI, calorie intake, and other nutritional areas. Was actually a pretty relaxed day of school. Normally class is from 8 am until 15.20 pm (that would be 3:20 for people who cannot figure that out). We got out at 14.30, so that was definitely a nice plus. In addition, the weather today was absolutely perfect! Sun was shining, was a slight breeze, wasn't too hot but also wasn't too cold. I met up with a friend today and we walked through the Tiergarten and landed at Cafe am Neuen See, this cool restaurant on a little lake nestled into the huge park. It is quite a hotspot for the locals in summer, but since it is fall there was not too many people. Was perfect to sit on a bench and just chat away over everything possible. This girl is actually pretty cool! Once the sun started to set we ended up hopping on the S bahn and going to Savignyplatz, where she led me into the bar called ,,Gainsbourg'' which was buried under the train tracks. From ambience I was totally amazed. It was a dark lit room with a red tint, and lots of french paintings, signs, and more. The drink card was incredibly complex with a huge selection which made for a difficult time choosing. Needless to say we ended up hanging out there for a bit listening to Norah Jones and just talking about random things. Was nice to get out from the everyday hustle and burrow away with a friend and ignore the realities of life. Tomorrow should also be a good day. I have a date with a special someone who I am super excited to finally get to see. Will be interesting how our night unfolds. We're gonna go see the Festival of Lights and wherever else from there. I won't be able to be out too late though because I have two exams early Wednesday morning. All in all, I cannot complain about today. Easy day at school, hung out with a cool person, made pizza with a dear friend at home, and now time to just relax and unwind. Have a good evening everyone!
Good evening my fellow readers. I hope everyone had a good day just as I did. I am off from work this week so that I can attend ,,Berufsschule''. With the Management Training Program I am doing here, we have one week a month of school and that is the main component of my week right now. In this school we learn different areas in the first year: our rights as ,,Azubis'', business math, working in the kitchen (technical and classroom), service (technical and classroom), etc. Today, we focused mainly on what our rights are and what is expected from us, what our companies rights are and what we expect from them, BMI, calorie intake, and other nutritional areas. Was actually a pretty relaxed day of school. Normally class is from 8 am until 15.20 pm (that would be 3:20 for people who cannot figure that out). We got out at 14.30, so that was definitely a nice plus. In addition, the weather today was absolutely perfect! Sun was shining, was a slight breeze, wasn't too hot but also wasn't too cold. I met up with a friend today and we walked through the Tiergarten and landed at Cafe am Neuen See, this cool restaurant on a little lake nestled into the huge park. It is quite a hotspot for the locals in summer, but since it is fall there was not too many people. Was perfect to sit on a bench and just chat away over everything possible. This girl is actually pretty cool! Once the sun started to set we ended up hopping on the S bahn and going to Savignyplatz, where she led me into the bar called ,,Gainsbourg'' which was buried under the train tracks. From ambience I was totally amazed. It was a dark lit room with a red tint, and lots of french paintings, signs, and more. The drink card was incredibly complex with a huge selection which made for a difficult time choosing. Needless to say we ended up hanging out there for a bit listening to Norah Jones and just talking about random things. Was nice to get out from the everyday hustle and burrow away with a friend and ignore the realities of life. Tomorrow should also be a good day. I have a date with a special someone who I am super excited to finally get to see. Will be interesting how our night unfolds. We're gonna go see the Festival of Lights and wherever else from there. I won't be able to be out too late though because I have two exams early Wednesday morning. All in all, I cannot complain about today. Easy day at school, hung out with a cool person, made pizza with a dear friend at home, and now time to just relax and unwind. Have a good evening everyone!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
When Emotions Visit...
Berlin, den 13. Oktober
Today I wanna talk about emotions. More specifically the emotions that over the past weeks have come into my life. The reason for this is for anyone who may want to move overseas, they need to know what comes with those decisions. I moved here in July 2012, moved into my apartment in August 2012, and began my german courses in November 2012. So The firs half of year was full of excitement and trying to do everything to integrate into Berlin. If there is one thing the germans hate, then it is the fact that plenty of people move here from other countries and refuse to assimilate into the german lifestyle and culture. Now that the excitement has died down and a lot of daily activities have now become routine: going food shopping, going to work, paying bills, and such. I have started to realize things about myself that I never learned before. The first thing I learned that is a major hinderance is that I am a hypochondriac. I knew before that I was one but living here on my own out of my comfort zone has made me realize it 100 times more. Alongside being a hypochondriac I have accepted I have a stress disorder with anxiety and depression. What I find to be the most interesting here is that my depression isn't always there and comes quite seldom. Of course, I miss my family and friends every day and every once in a while there will be a day I will honestly be depressed and wish they were here but for the most part I get by just fine. I have also learned that I thought I was an independent person. I am actually quite co-dependent, which I have realized in my current relationship. Which brings me to my next subject: my relationship. I met her in November last year and since then we have moved in together (which we both have agreed was jumped into a bit too fast). We definitely have our issues, but most if not all have been addressed and have been for the most part resolved. Living in another country and having a relationship also in the first year is a HUGE commitment because it is so much to take in at one time, but I have absolutely ZERO regrets in that subject. I couldn't be happier that she is the one I got to spend the last eleven months with. She is honestly a phenomenal woman. We currently have our issues that I honestly cannot say I am positive we will make through. If we don't, then so be it because her happiness is all that matters to me at this point and if I cannot make her happy the way she needs then I want her to find her happiness elsewhere. Of course, I pray that we make it through because this is the first woman to get me to change my ways and even openly cry. She has made me the man I am today, and got the boy from yesterday away. For that, she will always have a special place with me. The reason I say this is because the emotion I have learned here was love, and I know that it is love for me because normally I would have kicked and screamed but with her I simply let it be. Since I have been with her I have gone deeper and deeper into emotions and I have to say at first it is the scariest feeling in the world because you are afraid that this will be the last relationship for you, or think ,,What Ifs'', or think you won't get to be yourself anymore. After all that subsides, you get this overwhelming feelings of joy. I mean honestly, it is an AMAZING feeling/emotion to have because you feel you can climb the highest mountains and dive the deepest waters. You feel like the doctor could tell you that you have cancer and have a limited time to live and you respond with a simple ,,that's fine I have the person I love and that's all I need''. I do not wanna drag this subject any further because I think my point was made. On a side note: anyone afraid of being in love, DO NOT be, trust me! Ok continuing. Another thing I have learned about myself here is how to handle stress. Now trust me when I say living overseas is an amazing choice! Because it is definitely true but everything that glistens isn't always gold. Stress comes with this decision, and a lot of it! In this given moment I am experiencing stress financially, in my relationship, at my work, with my family, with my health, and on and on. I have learned to cope with these issues over the years and have perfected my methods here. I haven't learned how to fully rid of the stress because once a week I have a day where I could simply run a marathon from frustration. Over time I will get it under control but for now I need to live with it. So to summarize what I have learned here: I have learned that I am an extreme hypochondriac and have a major fear of illness, I have learned that I suffer from GAD and depression, I have learned that it is never easy living without family and best friends, I have learned that I am co-dependent, I have learned that love is such an amazing gift, and last but not least I have learned how to better handle my stress. Now who thinks I am crazy? Don't be afraid, sometimes I think to myself ,,what happened''? That's all for today. Like always feel free to message or comment me. I love hearing feedback!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Today I wanna talk about emotions. More specifically the emotions that over the past weeks have come into my life. The reason for this is for anyone who may want to move overseas, they need to know what comes with those decisions. I moved here in July 2012, moved into my apartment in August 2012, and began my german courses in November 2012. So The firs half of year was full of excitement and trying to do everything to integrate into Berlin. If there is one thing the germans hate, then it is the fact that plenty of people move here from other countries and refuse to assimilate into the german lifestyle and culture. Now that the excitement has died down and a lot of daily activities have now become routine: going food shopping, going to work, paying bills, and such. I have started to realize things about myself that I never learned before. The first thing I learned that is a major hinderance is that I am a hypochondriac. I knew before that I was one but living here on my own out of my comfort zone has made me realize it 100 times more. Alongside being a hypochondriac I have accepted I have a stress disorder with anxiety and depression. What I find to be the most interesting here is that my depression isn't always there and comes quite seldom. Of course, I miss my family and friends every day and every once in a while there will be a day I will honestly be depressed and wish they were here but for the most part I get by just fine. I have also learned that I thought I was an independent person. I am actually quite co-dependent, which I have realized in my current relationship. Which brings me to my next subject: my relationship. I met her in November last year and since then we have moved in together (which we both have agreed was jumped into a bit too fast). We definitely have our issues, but most if not all have been addressed and have been for the most part resolved. Living in another country and having a relationship also in the first year is a HUGE commitment because it is so much to take in at one time, but I have absolutely ZERO regrets in that subject. I couldn't be happier that she is the one I got to spend the last eleven months with. She is honestly a phenomenal woman. We currently have our issues that I honestly cannot say I am positive we will make through. If we don't, then so be it because her happiness is all that matters to me at this point and if I cannot make her happy the way she needs then I want her to find her happiness elsewhere. Of course, I pray that we make it through because this is the first woman to get me to change my ways and even openly cry. She has made me the man I am today, and got the boy from yesterday away. For that, she will always have a special place with me. The reason I say this is because the emotion I have learned here was love, and I know that it is love for me because normally I would have kicked and screamed but with her I simply let it be. Since I have been with her I have gone deeper and deeper into emotions and I have to say at first it is the scariest feeling in the world because you are afraid that this will be the last relationship for you, or think ,,What Ifs'', or think you won't get to be yourself anymore. After all that subsides, you get this overwhelming feelings of joy. I mean honestly, it is an AMAZING feeling/emotion to have because you feel you can climb the highest mountains and dive the deepest waters. You feel like the doctor could tell you that you have cancer and have a limited time to live and you respond with a simple ,,that's fine I have the person I love and that's all I need''. I do not wanna drag this subject any further because I think my point was made. On a side note: anyone afraid of being in love, DO NOT be, trust me! Ok continuing. Another thing I have learned about myself here is how to handle stress. Now trust me when I say living overseas is an amazing choice! Because it is definitely true but everything that glistens isn't always gold. Stress comes with this decision, and a lot of it! In this given moment I am experiencing stress financially, in my relationship, at my work, with my family, with my health, and on and on. I have learned to cope with these issues over the years and have perfected my methods here. I haven't learned how to fully rid of the stress because once a week I have a day where I could simply run a marathon from frustration. Over time I will get it under control but for now I need to live with it. So to summarize what I have learned here: I have learned that I am an extreme hypochondriac and have a major fear of illness, I have learned that I suffer from GAD and depression, I have learned that it is never easy living without family and best friends, I have learned that I am co-dependent, I have learned that love is such an amazing gift, and last but not least I have learned how to better handle my stress. Now who thinks I am crazy? Don't be afraid, sometimes I think to myself ,,what happened''? That's all for today. Like always feel free to message or comment me. I love hearing feedback!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Friday, October 11, 2013
A blog a Day Keeps the Doctors Away..
Berlin, den 11. Oktober
It would be nice if life was that simple. Write a blog and all the worries and stress of life were to vanish. Sadly, life doesn't work that way. Today I don't have much to write about because I have worked the last seven days through and have had odd hours. So between sleep, work, and daily stressors I haven't had much time to get on here. So I apologize. My life has been slowly getting better the last couple days. I have made some new friends at work, who I love. They are mostly from Africa and the Middle East but man are they incredible people! The lady friend and I are finally making progress, which is also nice. I have school next week and have four different tests I have to take but haven't had the chance to even study the material, none the less, practice it in a foreign language. I'm still having health issues that haven't been heading in any direction because no one knows what the causes may be or where the root lies. Needless to say I am pretty damn stressed right now. My life is kind've in a ,,limbo'' and i'm just waiting for the answers. There isn't really any area in my life that is thriving WITHOUT stress, but I can't complain seeing I am 21 and living in europe! Well, I don't have time to write more today. Gotta go to work and then will be going to a good friends house party tonight. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and I will try to write something new tomorrow!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
It would be nice if life was that simple. Write a blog and all the worries and stress of life were to vanish. Sadly, life doesn't work that way. Today I don't have much to write about because I have worked the last seven days through and have had odd hours. So between sleep, work, and daily stressors I haven't had much time to get on here. So I apologize. My life has been slowly getting better the last couple days. I have made some new friends at work, who I love. They are mostly from Africa and the Middle East but man are they incredible people! The lady friend and I are finally making progress, which is also nice. I have school next week and have four different tests I have to take but haven't had the chance to even study the material, none the less, practice it in a foreign language. I'm still having health issues that haven't been heading in any direction because no one knows what the causes may be or where the root lies. Needless to say I am pretty damn stressed right now. My life is kind've in a ,,limbo'' and i'm just waiting for the answers. There isn't really any area in my life that is thriving WITHOUT stress, but I can't complain seeing I am 21 and living in europe! Well, I don't have time to write more today. Gotta go to work and then will be going to a good friends house party tonight. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and I will try to write something new tomorrow!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Why I think Germany does it better than America..
Berlin, den 6. Oktober
So in light of all the wonderful America news that fills all my social network feeds, I decided to list my experiences here in Germany and my experiences in the states. I have lived in Germany for a little over a year now, about one year and three months. I have learned a lot about the country in this time. Now I am no professional, but what I can do is voice my opinion and if someone is interested they can educate themselves on what I have experienced. Now I would be lying if I tried to say that I had ,,culture shock'' because they are both western countries and have a lot of similarities, but also plenty of differences. One of the biggest thing I have noticed that sticks out to me is simply the german lifestyle in comparison to the american lifestyle. I find personally that the german, or european lifestyles in general are much more laid back and slower paced than what I had in america. I find this vital in the sense because I feel that americans tend to forgot the sweeter things in life and when life slows itself down one can appreciate the smaller things. For example, in america people go shopping for weeks at time to limit the time spent shopping for food; In germany, people shop almost on a daily basis and live off of buying only what it needed to get by for the next day or few days. Here they dont stress on trying to get everything done at once but rather go with the flow, and that personally makes for a good trait in a lifestyle. Furthermore, the germans take pride in families and more specific: their children. This country has an incredible education system that has had them ranked much higher than the states for decades now. In america, we go to Elementary school (1-5 grade), Middle school (6-8), High school (9-12) and then we have the option of a 2 or 4 year post secondary education, which comes with a heft price tag in average around $22,261(16.426€) for public and private at $43,289(31.931€). For a native european or even an expatriate, those costs are absolutely mind boggling. In most of europe, including germany, public post secondary schools are free of cost with a fee of about €1.000($1,355) a year for the student fee including public transportation. In germany, primary school is a bit more complicated: they start with ,,Grundschule'' from ages 6-10 then from there there is a possibility of five different schools, but the main three are: Gymnasium, Realschule, and Hauptschule. Gymnasium is the highest ranked and is made to prepare student for further studies in a university. Realschule is the next step below and prepares students the technical route, and also in some cases the university route, and Hauptschule is for the technical route. This area is extremely complex and I am not so well educated there so I will leave it at that. In addition to the differences before, I also wanna state that germany has a much better form of welfare to help its citizens when facing the welfare system in america. In germany they have job security because an employee cannot be simply fired without cause. The country is deep in Bureaucracy so for everything you do there is a signature from both sides and that gives you a hard copy of evidence to support yourself. IF someone would be fired then they can apply for ALGI(Arbeitslosengeld I) and after that is exhausted, ALG II(Arbeitslosengeld II). ALG I is the first resort, and is pretty much your taxes you paid the government coming back to you. Once that is all used up and you are still unable to find work you can then apply for ALG II or also known as, Hartz IV. Hartz IV will take over in most cases your housing costs, transportation costs, and living costs. As I grew up in Florida, my father had some tough times financially and as he seeked help everyone there was no help to be found. The most he got was food stamps and when he asked for help with the rent then told him that the american system doesn't easily support that. From that moment on, I have always been bitter towards the american government. I must say that the diversity and the entertainment for a daily basis is much better in america due to its large size and the reputation as being in the ,,show business''. The german TV shows and movies simply suck! In comparison to size, america definitely takes the win here seeing as I do not think it is possibly to drive from point A to B here with it lasting over 9 hours in driving. Public transportation is 100x better here than america, with exception to New York City of course. In Berlin we have the U-Bahn, S-Bahn, bus, Metro, trains, and even ferries! I cannot name any american city that I have visited with such an intensive network. Flying around europe is hassle-free and cheap, with flights rarely going over 80€(108$) roundtrip. One can fly from Berlin to: Paris, London, Brussels, Rome, Zurich, Budapest, Prague, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Oslo, Helsinski, Dublin. Barcelona, and so many more amazing cities in all under three hours with most being an hour and a half flight. To me, that was a very important benefit. Now let me talk about the food, my favorite topic! I cannot really say one country is better than the other but what I can say is that the food is much cheaper here. The main thing I love is that one can find almost any regional cuisine they can think of within a 30 minute trip here in Berlin. America also has plenty of endless amazing eateries but most take a bit of a drive. I could go on for hours over differences but I do not wanna bore my audience, so, if anyone would like to know my opinion on anything else just ask. Both countries are beautiful and have plenty of pros and cons to them. I have only listed my opinions and experiences in this post so I apologize if anyone is offended by what I have written, it is not in my honest intentions. I wish everyone a wonderful sunday. For my american folks, enjoy your football games today and for my Berliners and other germans, enjoy the rest of your evening because monday is right around the corner.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
So in light of all the wonderful America news that fills all my social network feeds, I decided to list my experiences here in Germany and my experiences in the states. I have lived in Germany for a little over a year now, about one year and three months. I have learned a lot about the country in this time. Now I am no professional, but what I can do is voice my opinion and if someone is interested they can educate themselves on what I have experienced. Now I would be lying if I tried to say that I had ,,culture shock'' because they are both western countries and have a lot of similarities, but also plenty of differences. One of the biggest thing I have noticed that sticks out to me is simply the german lifestyle in comparison to the american lifestyle. I find personally that the german, or european lifestyles in general are much more laid back and slower paced than what I had in america. I find this vital in the sense because I feel that americans tend to forgot the sweeter things in life and when life slows itself down one can appreciate the smaller things. For example, in america people go shopping for weeks at time to limit the time spent shopping for food; In germany, people shop almost on a daily basis and live off of buying only what it needed to get by for the next day or few days. Here they dont stress on trying to get everything done at once but rather go with the flow, and that personally makes for a good trait in a lifestyle. Furthermore, the germans take pride in families and more specific: their children. This country has an incredible education system that has had them ranked much higher than the states for decades now. In america, we go to Elementary school (1-5 grade), Middle school (6-8), High school (9-12) and then we have the option of a 2 or 4 year post secondary education, which comes with a heft price tag in average around $22,261(16.426€) for public and private at $43,289(31.931€). For a native european or even an expatriate, those costs are absolutely mind boggling. In most of europe, including germany, public post secondary schools are free of cost with a fee of about €1.000($1,355) a year for the student fee including public transportation. In germany, primary school is a bit more complicated: they start with ,,Grundschule'' from ages 6-10 then from there there is a possibility of five different schools, but the main three are: Gymnasium, Realschule, and Hauptschule. Gymnasium is the highest ranked and is made to prepare student for further studies in a university. Realschule is the next step below and prepares students the technical route, and also in some cases the university route, and Hauptschule is for the technical route. This area is extremely complex and I am not so well educated there so I will leave it at that. In addition to the differences before, I also wanna state that germany has a much better form of welfare to help its citizens when facing the welfare system in america. In germany they have job security because an employee cannot be simply fired without cause. The country is deep in Bureaucracy so for everything you do there is a signature from both sides and that gives you a hard copy of evidence to support yourself. IF someone would be fired then they can apply for ALGI(Arbeitslosengeld I) and after that is exhausted, ALG II(Arbeitslosengeld II). ALG I is the first resort, and is pretty much your taxes you paid the government coming back to you. Once that is all used up and you are still unable to find work you can then apply for ALG II or also known as, Hartz IV. Hartz IV will take over in most cases your housing costs, transportation costs, and living costs. As I grew up in Florida, my father had some tough times financially and as he seeked help everyone there was no help to be found. The most he got was food stamps and when he asked for help with the rent then told him that the american system doesn't easily support that. From that moment on, I have always been bitter towards the american government. I must say that the diversity and the entertainment for a daily basis is much better in america due to its large size and the reputation as being in the ,,show business''. The german TV shows and movies simply suck! In comparison to size, america definitely takes the win here seeing as I do not think it is possibly to drive from point A to B here with it lasting over 9 hours in driving. Public transportation is 100x better here than america, with exception to New York City of course. In Berlin we have the U-Bahn, S-Bahn, bus, Metro, trains, and even ferries! I cannot name any american city that I have visited with such an intensive network. Flying around europe is hassle-free and cheap, with flights rarely going over 80€(108$) roundtrip. One can fly from Berlin to: Paris, London, Brussels, Rome, Zurich, Budapest, Prague, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Oslo, Helsinski, Dublin. Barcelona, and so many more amazing cities in all under three hours with most being an hour and a half flight. To me, that was a very important benefit. Now let me talk about the food, my favorite topic! I cannot really say one country is better than the other but what I can say is that the food is much cheaper here. The main thing I love is that one can find almost any regional cuisine they can think of within a 30 minute trip here in Berlin. America also has plenty of endless amazing eateries but most take a bit of a drive. I could go on for hours over differences but I do not wanna bore my audience, so, if anyone would like to know my opinion on anything else just ask. Both countries are beautiful and have plenty of pros and cons to them. I have only listed my opinions and experiences in this post so I apologize if anyone is offended by what I have written, it is not in my honest intentions. I wish everyone a wonderful sunday. For my american folks, enjoy your football games today and for my Berliners and other germans, enjoy the rest of your evening because monday is right around the corner.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
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| For anyone who does not know Berlin |
Saturday, October 5, 2013
One Day at a Time..
Samstag, den 5. Oktober
Hello all! Hope everyone has had a good day like me! Today was the first day back at work since five weeks, so it was a bittersweet day. I'm currently in the dish area at work which I thought would really suck but despite my expectations I was very pleased to find out that it would be a blast. The coworkers are all mainly from Africa and the Middle East but they're like one big family and I love it. I started at 8 in the morning and first thing we did was go take a small break to relax and talk for a little. This was the start of what would be actually a positive day. Halfway into my shift me and the other ,,Azubi'' were told we could go home at two, three hours earlier than planned. So we spent the rest of our shift pretty much just lolly gagging around work and trying to find something to keep us busy for the time being. I saw my last departments boss and greeted her, which she continued to tell me that I actually had some money from tips still in my drawer. Awesome! Now comes the stupid part, I got the envelope thinking it would only be small change in it so I ripped it in half rather than normally open it which come to find out was filled with 50€ in bills and 15€ in small change. Unfortunately, I ended up ripping the bills in half. Luckily, I taped them back and so far no issues. I got off and walked for a bit with Melina and talked about random things. It was nice to just get out with someone new and talk about absolutely nothing important. After that I met up with my good friend Daniel, and we talked about what was going on with me. In the end we decided that it is best for me to take things one day at a time. We then met up with a friend of his who recently moved to Neukolln here, named Kiki. We then went to Dolores, which is a Californian/Mexican restaurant here on Wittenbergplatz that has probably the best burritos ever! We took our time and just talked about work and school and other typical youthful topics. It was finally time for me to head home, but first I needed to go shopping. There is a Lidl about 500m from my doorstep so I went there. After about 25 minutes waiting in a line that had about 15 nationalities and about 10 different languages, I managed to finish my shopping for the evening. I proceeded to home not knowing that I had bad news waiting in my mailbox. Come to find out I owe the Work Agency 490€ because they helped with my deposit for my apartment. Well, I will have to see what I can do about that. Other than that, today was none the less than good. I hope to get some more interesting posts on here over the coming days. Stay tuned and as always feel free to comment.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Hello all! Hope everyone has had a good day like me! Today was the first day back at work since five weeks, so it was a bittersweet day. I'm currently in the dish area at work which I thought would really suck but despite my expectations I was very pleased to find out that it would be a blast. The coworkers are all mainly from Africa and the Middle East but they're like one big family and I love it. I started at 8 in the morning and first thing we did was go take a small break to relax and talk for a little. This was the start of what would be actually a positive day. Halfway into my shift me and the other ,,Azubi'' were told we could go home at two, three hours earlier than planned. So we spent the rest of our shift pretty much just lolly gagging around work and trying to find something to keep us busy for the time being. I saw my last departments boss and greeted her, which she continued to tell me that I actually had some money from tips still in my drawer. Awesome! Now comes the stupid part, I got the envelope thinking it would only be small change in it so I ripped it in half rather than normally open it which come to find out was filled with 50€ in bills and 15€ in small change. Unfortunately, I ended up ripping the bills in half. Luckily, I taped them back and so far no issues. I got off and walked for a bit with Melina and talked about random things. It was nice to just get out with someone new and talk about absolutely nothing important. After that I met up with my good friend Daniel, and we talked about what was going on with me. In the end we decided that it is best for me to take things one day at a time. We then met up with a friend of his who recently moved to Neukolln here, named Kiki. We then went to Dolores, which is a Californian/Mexican restaurant here on Wittenbergplatz that has probably the best burritos ever! We took our time and just talked about work and school and other typical youthful topics. It was finally time for me to head home, but first I needed to go shopping. There is a Lidl about 500m from my doorstep so I went there. After about 25 minutes waiting in a line that had about 15 nationalities and about 10 different languages, I managed to finish my shopping for the evening. I proceeded to home not knowing that I had bad news waiting in my mailbox. Come to find out I owe the Work Agency 490€ because they helped with my deposit for my apartment. Well, I will have to see what I can do about that. Other than that, today was none the less than good. I hope to get some more interesting posts on here over the coming days. Stay tuned and as always feel free to comment.
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Friday, October 4, 2013
A Little About the Author..
Berlin, den 4. Oktober
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| One part of my family, my father and his Fiances family |
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| Two dear friends: Left to Right Jeffrey Lail and Christian Simon |
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| Marcela and I back in 2011 |
The pictures here are just a few from the many memories I have made over the past years. I won't go too deep into detail, but rather a brief overview of who I am and how I got to be where I am today. At the age of 14, right before my freshman year at Riverview Senior High School in Riverview, FL, I decided that I wanted to become a chef. I enrolled into Culinary Arts, and that is where the journey all began for me. I didn't know what to expect. My first day came and I was full of anxiousness and nervousness and all that jazz. Well, four years and about a thousand great memories later alongside with trophies and medals, I completed high school proudly with my certificate for Culinary Arts from ProStart. After high school I applied for the CIA (Culinary Institute of America) and was accepted in the top 5%, but unfortunately was unable to attend due to financial hardship in my family. So I decided I would continue in a Technical School and study International Business at State College of Florida. It didn't take long for that dream of being a chef to fade, and for me to realize there were better things in my interests. Alongside all of this I worked in several bars and nightclubs and a handful of renowned restaurants in Sarasota, FL. I even managed to do some Valet work and make some side cash. At this point in my life things were moving at lightning pace. I had my heart broken, family tensions, financial woes and all that fun included in the ,,American Dream". Although, I also made plenty of friends, plenty of connections, and most important plenty of experience. So now here I am at 19, bored and tired and looking for something new. So I decided to apply for Johnson and Wales University in Providence, Rhode Island. I got an acceptance about a week later and a week later from that date I was moving from Sarasota to Providence to my new home. It was my first time being truly ,, Independent" and man did it feel amazing! I met someone who still to this day is right next to my family when it comes to importance, Kirstie Musumeci AKA ,,Mooch" or ,,Mama Kirstie". I spent the next three-quarter of a year spending every minute with her, she was the closest thing I had to family in Rhode Island. Once again due to money issues I had to head back to Florida and leave the amazing people I met in Rhode Island, which by the way is an amazing state! So now I am 20 and fed up with the bullshit, so what do I do? Plan a trip to Berlin! My hometown, but this time, for a month! So I worked as much as I could between two jobs and school and saved up enough money to fund my trip to Europe. So here I am a little over a year ago in Germany. It's the first of July and the sun is shining, the people are out and about, and I was simply in awe. After the first week in Berlin and seeing Amsterdam I was dead set on staying. Who would have ever thought I would stay right then and there! The coming weeks were full of waiting in lines, trying to navigate through a language I knew nothing about and making it possible to make a living in Berlin, or atleast try. It is now October the fourth in the year 2013 and I am sitting in my own apartment in Berlin that I organized myself, I have an amazing job at Intercontinental Hotels in a 3 year ,,Trainee Program'', an awesome friend base, and so much more. I miss my friends and family every day of my life but I don't regret ever staying here. It was truly the right choice for me and I don't look back on that choice. I couldn't be happier with where I am today besides the relationship issues going on currently, but what's meant to be will simply be. So now all my readers will have a little insight into me and my background. As always if anyone has a question, feel free to ask below!
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
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| Scotch and Soda, August 2013 |
On the fence..
Freitag, den 4. Oktober
I have been sitting on the fence the last couple of weeks whether or not I should give into the blogging or not. The last 24 hours have been an especially rough patch in my life so i have decided to give this thing called ,,blogging" a shot. So bear with me if I suck! I've spent the last 11 months with my wonderful girlfriend here in Berlin. In Germany if you didn't already know. The past 11 months have been nothing less than interesting. Most people start a relationship in the ,,Honeymoon" phase and progress from there, well, not us. Instead we did EVERYTHING humanly possible that is taboo in a relationship. No need to go into detail, just take my word for it. For those of you wondering why i'm babbling about my relationship, well, because we've recently split up...or not.. or well, honestly I do not know what is happening. Ok so back to the relationship. We did everything backwards. We fought and screamed and yelled and struggled in the beginning but as time went on, we pushed through the hell that was and finally saw the light in the relationship. The last few months have been absolutely incredible, aside from the left over bickering from the beginning. I mean, I have never felt so close to one person as I do with her. I cannot lie, in the start of the relatioinship I really did not give her the love she deserved, and maybe that is why I am where I am today. Who knows! As time progressed, so did we. What once was a bitter morning full of arguing and stress is now joyful with cuddling and kissing. What once was a dreadful night out on the town has become an adventure that I could not imagine embarking on with anyone else. I mean I think I really love this woman, and for anyone who knows me, can vouch for me and say that is a BIG step for me. As of now, it does not really matter how I feel because I am sitting in the mall with nothing to do but write a stupid blog to people who probably could care less. Something went wrong in the relationship, and she has lost the feelings needed to progress into a deeper love. It tears me apart just thinking about it but who am I to keep her from being happy? All in all, her happiness is all that matters to me. I have a lot of respect for women like her who go against all odds and leave the small-town life, leave the family, the friends, and the life they once had to explore the world and what beautiful places she has to offer. I mean, my girlfriend is a trooper. She has made it through it all! That is why I know she will make some man happy one day and be an outstanding mother to her children. It is sad to think that I cannot be the person to bring her these treasures but one has to accept the others choices. I do not hate her, nor am I bitter or mad. I am of course spiralling into sadness, which is of course expected after a year of living with your significant other. Luckily, I had a good guy friend stay over last night to help comfort me. I could go on for hours on how much I wish for her to come back to me but I think I have written enough for this post. Feel free to leave comments and thoughts. Thanks for hearing me out.
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back then they are yours; If they do not then they never were." -Richard Bach
mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
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