Berlin, den 26. März
At the end of every tunnel comes light. That is something I have heard countless times throughout my life. I am finally starting to understand the meaning behind this statement. Through all the bad comes the good and for me right now I have nothing but good coming my way. I couldn't help but sit down today and take a few minutes to appreciate the life I love, the people who help make this life the way it is and the life itself because I am healthy and still alive. Money has been a struggling issue for me since I made the decision to move here to Berlin. One month is good then the next is bad. It's a vicious cycle that has finally found its end station. My work started offering a second work contract so that we ,,Azubis'' can earn a little more cash. More cash is always a nice thing. I signed my contract and starting on 1.4 I can start working more. That will help alleviate some of the stress I have been having. I also plan on moving in August with two of my good friends Larissa and Anne, that will also lessen the burden on my wallet all while bringing me closer to the city centre. A lot of my contracts will be ending in the coming months and that too will save me money. As I start the second year of my Programme I will also get a raise. So as far as money goes things will only get better from here on out! I am still studying at my university in America, and that has been going really well. Despite the 6 hour time change, the stressful work weeks and school here I have been able to maintain a good GPA and that's a good feeling knowing I can juggle so much and still manage myself. My school here is an ongoing battle due to the language barrier. I am not fluent in german, and am actually quite far from full fluency but the battle is worth fighting for because in the end the possibilities are endless for me. I managed to have pretty much perfect grade on the first semester so we'll see what this semester here brings. Hopefully, I can maintain my standing. I have some of the coolest friends here. My closest of all of them, Martin, is a true friend. This guy is always there for me. Picked me up from the hospital and drove me 45 minutes home! During our trip to Stockholm, I got to know him more personally. We spent hours talking about life and realized we have a lot in common. It's a great feeling knowing that such a great person is by my side. Then theres Steffie and Isabelle, who I haven't been close that long with but was one of the best decisions I made to involve myself into their lives. We'll be driving to Croatia in less than a month for a week long trip. I couldn't be more excited for this trip! Speaking of vacations, I have been sitting here for hours planning my vacations and managed to make it so that every month this year I have some ,,vacation'' and in July is Tomorrowland, which will be absolutely amazing this year seeing it is the ten year anniversary! The best part is im going with my closest friends and my cousin will be meeting me there! I haven't seen her crazy self in years and she will be bringing a good friend of hers that I also having seen in years! So I am really looking forward to July! As you all have already heard, I have an amazing girlfriend in my life. Life couldn't be better between us. We Facetime often and talk almost all day long, and best of all it doesn't ever get boring. We've gotten much closer in the past weeks. She has told me some personal things that helped me bond better with her and I have done the same for her. I don't wanna say she is the one, but she is. I just know. Whether it's the constant butterflies and restlessness she gives me or the constant smile on my face or maybe even the fact since her I have been more optimistic rather than pessimistic. Doesn't matter, the feeling is there and I don't want that to ever fade. I feel on top of the world thanks to her. I have never had a woman care so much for me as she does. I am forever thankful for her coming into my life. Oh! She booked her flight to come to Berlin in May with her two best friends too! All in all, I cannot complain about my life. Sure things could be better but hey there can always be brighter days. Point is I am more than pleased at my standing in my life and wouldn't give it up. It's great to see life from the other side of the fence finally. I know that I am on the right path and will be a successful person. I will be a great boyfriend/husband and I will be an amazing father. I have matured a lot these past months and feel confident enough to say those things. Thanks to all the people who have stood behind me and supported me and as for the people who worked against me, an even bigger thank you goes to you for giving me the drive to fight harder for what I want. As always, comments are always welcome. I wish you all a wonderful evening.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
How You Changed My Life...
Berlin, den 22. März
We met eight months ago online, I know, typical right? It all started with being dumb and liking one anothers pictures and somehow it progressed. We started talking. We starting writing and in the blink of an eye we're here now, today. The past eight months have been none the less than, how do I say, interesting? It has been filled with happiness and sadness, with confusion and illusion, and most importantly it has been filled with butterflies. The butterflies that bring me joy and happiness. I finally decided to take the next step in my life and that was to meet you. You didn't want to at first but i'm glad you did because you have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. There are people who will read this and laugh, maybe even be mad at me. My life has recently changed and it wasn't a progressing change. This change occurred before I could even blink my eyes. Everything I thought I knew about myself was all wrong. I learned that I really can love and that not everything has to have a negative. You taught me that people do love me even when I am not the nicest person. You taught me that there is purpose in life and that everything we do has its reasons. I have spent the last week of my life listening to love songs, walking around dancing and smiling, and simply full of joy. Anyone who knows me would never believe that because I am Cory, the most pessimistic person on this planet, but no! That has all changed thanks to you. You showed me how to find the sun on my rainiest days. I have to be honest. Up until about a week ago I never took you honestly. I thought this would be just some other girl, just some other day but man was I wrong. Really wrong! It's as if cupid shot me right in the ass with a super sized arrow. It blind sided me out of nowhere. I never know the feelings I have been feeling even existed! For anyone who has been following my blog, you would know that I haven't been the best person I could be. I have lied, cheated, and been a selfish person but you, you make me want to forget that past and be the best I can be. The true friends, the little that I have, all know how I feel about you and couldn't be happier because they know that deep down all I have is good intentions. My shady past makes it hard for me to have people believe me but none of that matters anymore because all that matters is you. I have met your friends and your family. They all loved me. Every girlfriend I have ever had, I have always tried to suck up and be the best and was fake to win their approval but with your friends and family I was just myself. I didn't try. I just acted true to myself. That says a lot for me. I love that they all support me. It's a great feeling knowing that I have people who see how I feel and wanna help make this distance not so hard. We have close to a thousand kilometers between us. One hour and thirty minutes in the plane. The flight? About 80€. It's a joke. The distance doesn't exist. A close friend once told me that god chooses the best people for distance because he knows they can take on a good challenge. I accept such a challenge with open arms. I would swim the four oceans and walk the seven continents just to find my way back to you. For once in my life I didn't rush. I made sure I didn't because I knew there was something special there. There are times where I hate you and think to myself how could such a beautiful person be so ugly but I have learned over the years that even the most beautiful souls have ugly days. I have learned with you to accept that there will be times we hate each other but that we won't give up there. That we will fight for what we, as a team, believe in and learn from our mistakes. I accept that you are far from perfect and that you have your flaws. I accept the perfect flaws with open arms. I accept your friends and family, your dreams, and anything else you have on your mind. I accept it all because I care so much about you. More than I thought I could ever care again. My dear friend is my hope for this, he has been years together with his now fiance. They have been the whole time in a long distance relationship and now engaged. They couldn't be happier with one another! I see an odd resemblance in our history to theirs. That gives me hope that we can truly make it. You have had a rough past. You have made your poor choices. You are now growing up and trying to come to terms with the choices of your past. Just know you have me at all times to help you through this. I was always told that if you wanna know if your long distance would work that you have to think in the future. Can you see yourself marrying them? Kids with them? Living with them? I asked myself all these questions recently and without hesitation I must say that I truly can. I think you'll be an amazing mother with the enormous heart you have. I think you could be an amazing wife if loved and respected properly. The good thing is I have also made my mistakes and learned from them. I know what not to do and I know what I should be doing. Every day is a learning experience for me and I hope that you see that in me, that I am trying. I haven't been this happy in years. I have had a rough past few years with moving across the world, health issues, financial hardships and on and on. I am writing all this because sometimes I just need to jot my feelings down. The whole point in this is so that I can talk about my feelings and not directly be judged. As I said, I am far from perfect but I will do my best to be the best man for you. That's my promise. Jag saknar dig.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
P.S. for the people who think I am stupid and have anything against my relationship, there is a delete button. Do me the favor and do it for me because I do not need negative people in my life.
We met eight months ago online, I know, typical right? It all started with being dumb and liking one anothers pictures and somehow it progressed. We started talking. We starting writing and in the blink of an eye we're here now, today. The past eight months have been none the less than, how do I say, interesting? It has been filled with happiness and sadness, with confusion and illusion, and most importantly it has been filled with butterflies. The butterflies that bring me joy and happiness. I finally decided to take the next step in my life and that was to meet you. You didn't want to at first but i'm glad you did because you have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. There are people who will read this and laugh, maybe even be mad at me. My life has recently changed and it wasn't a progressing change. This change occurred before I could even blink my eyes. Everything I thought I knew about myself was all wrong. I learned that I really can love and that not everything has to have a negative. You taught me that people do love me even when I am not the nicest person. You taught me that there is purpose in life and that everything we do has its reasons. I have spent the last week of my life listening to love songs, walking around dancing and smiling, and simply full of joy. Anyone who knows me would never believe that because I am Cory, the most pessimistic person on this planet, but no! That has all changed thanks to you. You showed me how to find the sun on my rainiest days. I have to be honest. Up until about a week ago I never took you honestly. I thought this would be just some other girl, just some other day but man was I wrong. Really wrong! It's as if cupid shot me right in the ass with a super sized arrow. It blind sided me out of nowhere. I never know the feelings I have been feeling even existed! For anyone who has been following my blog, you would know that I haven't been the best person I could be. I have lied, cheated, and been a selfish person but you, you make me want to forget that past and be the best I can be. The true friends, the little that I have, all know how I feel about you and couldn't be happier because they know that deep down all I have is good intentions. My shady past makes it hard for me to have people believe me but none of that matters anymore because all that matters is you. I have met your friends and your family. They all loved me. Every girlfriend I have ever had, I have always tried to suck up and be the best and was fake to win their approval but with your friends and family I was just myself. I didn't try. I just acted true to myself. That says a lot for me. I love that they all support me. It's a great feeling knowing that I have people who see how I feel and wanna help make this distance not so hard. We have close to a thousand kilometers between us. One hour and thirty minutes in the plane. The flight? About 80€. It's a joke. The distance doesn't exist. A close friend once told me that god chooses the best people for distance because he knows they can take on a good challenge. I accept such a challenge with open arms. I would swim the four oceans and walk the seven continents just to find my way back to you. For once in my life I didn't rush. I made sure I didn't because I knew there was something special there. There are times where I hate you and think to myself how could such a beautiful person be so ugly but I have learned over the years that even the most beautiful souls have ugly days. I have learned with you to accept that there will be times we hate each other but that we won't give up there. That we will fight for what we, as a team, believe in and learn from our mistakes. I accept that you are far from perfect and that you have your flaws. I accept the perfect flaws with open arms. I accept your friends and family, your dreams, and anything else you have on your mind. I accept it all because I care so much about you. More than I thought I could ever care again. My dear friend is my hope for this, he has been years together with his now fiance. They have been the whole time in a long distance relationship and now engaged. They couldn't be happier with one another! I see an odd resemblance in our history to theirs. That gives me hope that we can truly make it. You have had a rough past. You have made your poor choices. You are now growing up and trying to come to terms with the choices of your past. Just know you have me at all times to help you through this. I was always told that if you wanna know if your long distance would work that you have to think in the future. Can you see yourself marrying them? Kids with them? Living with them? I asked myself all these questions recently and without hesitation I must say that I truly can. I think you'll be an amazing mother with the enormous heart you have. I think you could be an amazing wife if loved and respected properly. The good thing is I have also made my mistakes and learned from them. I know what not to do and I know what I should be doing. Every day is a learning experience for me and I hope that you see that in me, that I am trying. I haven't been this happy in years. I have had a rough past few years with moving across the world, health issues, financial hardships and on and on. I am writing all this because sometimes I just need to jot my feelings down. The whole point in this is so that I can talk about my feelings and not directly be judged. As I said, I am far from perfect but I will do my best to be the best man for you. That's my promise. Jag saknar dig.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
P.S. for the people who think I am stupid and have anything against my relationship, there is a delete button. Do me the favor and do it for me because I do not need negative people in my life.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Finally...
Berlin, den 17. März
Hej, Hallo, and Hi,
After a long weekend of speaking swedish, english and german I am finally home, in my own bed. It is a bittersweet feeling being home. This vacation was probably one of the coolest, most amazing vacations I have ever had. I met some amazing people while I was there and specific person who I will talk about later. I got to spend the last few days on a drunken voyage with my best friend. At first we only wanted to relax and enjoy the city but that quickly changed when we had our first sip of alcohol. We didn't expect the 72 hour rage of drinking that occurred. We spent the first day walking all over the city and trying to see as much as possible in our time frame. We then met up with a girl I knew in Stockholm and her friends for drinks later that evening. The thing is, this just wasn't any girl, this was the girl from my previous post ,,The Mysterious Girl From Sweden''. That's right, after so many months we finally met. I bet you are wondering how it went, well, it couldn't of gone any better. I have never had such an amazing time with a woman as I did with her. Everything about her was everything I wanted and more. It was as if I won the lotto or something. Let me tell you about my little Prinsessa. The night we met was filled with excitement and of course drinks. We danced, we laughed, we talked and most of all we bonded. The night ended with her staying at my place and was filled with a long night of just cuddling. Couldn't of been more perfect. We woke up and hung out for a couple of hours with her and her friends. My best friend was a bit K.O. from the night before so he sat this day out. Sooner or later she went home and I tried to figure out what I was gonna do with my day. Well in the end I ended up driving outside the city to her house, where I ,,luckily'' got to meet her father and we spent the day just laying in bed and talking and talking and talking. It was so nice to finally be with someone where I could talk and feel comfortable and have her talk to me. I am a man of communication and finally I have someone in my life who wants to talk to me about feelings and life and everything. I ended up sooner or later going back home and we were gonna all meet up later for dinner. At first she was too tired and wasn't gonna come, which really upset me, more than I ever expected but she finally came. Well, we all started drinking and after a few clubs, laughs and funny stories we ended up hopping into a taxi, which cost 100€ by the way! A nice cold walk home and I was back in her bed with her in my arms. Let me tell you, it does not matter how drunk you are, the feeling of having someone you care about in your arms is unbeatable. I have never enjoyed a night so much like I did with her. I mean honestly, that's when I realized that I was head over heels for a woman who doesn't even live in my country. I don't care though and that's the scary part. We came home on sunday and I decided it'd be a great idea to continue being drunk and get shit faced with half a liter of vodka. This is when I realized a lot about myself and her. This girl is obsessed with her phone and knew that it bothers me and didn't touch her phone ONCE! She knows I don't like smoking and didn't smoke! As I was too drunk to even by food she bought the food for me and sat next to me and didn't leave. What woman does something like that for a guy she just met? I don't why she did but I am so damn thankful. Well I spent sunday night away from her and it was a lonely night to say the least. She wanted to meet today to talk about ,,us'' and where we are going to go now. After an hour of talking we came to a conclusion and I couldn't be happier, ok well I could be happier if I could see her more. Long distance is always a challenge but not impossible. This girl is everything I want. I couldn't want more. I am hoping and praying that this is the one because she is just that damn amazing. I am begging what ever god who takes care of that shit, to make this work for me. She is so beautiful, and funny, and cute and unique. She will be a great mother and a great wife one day and I hope I am lucky enough to be blessed with such a beautiful soul. The next steps will be a tough set of steps but as my father always told me the best things in life come at a price. I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I don't want to lose her. My ex ruined me and confused me. I learned a lot about myself but I still have the fear of getting hurt. Josefine is still young and still makes mistakes. I hope she doesn't hurt me and I hope that she can fix the few problems and make them better. I hope I can help her with that process too. My biggest fear with her is that she will cheat or lie or leave me. It always happens to me, but I guess time will tell. Tonight sucks and I would do anything to relive this weekend over and over and get to be with her but unfortunately it is what it is. I am done rambling for tonight. Thanks if you took the time to listen!
Hej, Hallo, and Hi,
After a long weekend of speaking swedish, english and german I am finally home, in my own bed. It is a bittersweet feeling being home. This vacation was probably one of the coolest, most amazing vacations I have ever had. I met some amazing people while I was there and specific person who I will talk about later. I got to spend the last few days on a drunken voyage with my best friend. At first we only wanted to relax and enjoy the city but that quickly changed when we had our first sip of alcohol. We didn't expect the 72 hour rage of drinking that occurred. We spent the first day walking all over the city and trying to see as much as possible in our time frame. We then met up with a girl I knew in Stockholm and her friends for drinks later that evening. The thing is, this just wasn't any girl, this was the girl from my previous post ,,The Mysterious Girl From Sweden''. That's right, after so many months we finally met. I bet you are wondering how it went, well, it couldn't of gone any better. I have never had such an amazing time with a woman as I did with her. Everything about her was everything I wanted and more. It was as if I won the lotto or something. Let me tell you about my little Prinsessa. The night we met was filled with excitement and of course drinks. We danced, we laughed, we talked and most of all we bonded. The night ended with her staying at my place and was filled with a long night of just cuddling. Couldn't of been more perfect. We woke up and hung out for a couple of hours with her and her friends. My best friend was a bit K.O. from the night before so he sat this day out. Sooner or later she went home and I tried to figure out what I was gonna do with my day. Well in the end I ended up driving outside the city to her house, where I ,,luckily'' got to meet her father and we spent the day just laying in bed and talking and talking and talking. It was so nice to finally be with someone where I could talk and feel comfortable and have her talk to me. I am a man of communication and finally I have someone in my life who wants to talk to me about feelings and life and everything. I ended up sooner or later going back home and we were gonna all meet up later for dinner. At first she was too tired and wasn't gonna come, which really upset me, more than I ever expected but she finally came. Well, we all started drinking and after a few clubs, laughs and funny stories we ended up hopping into a taxi, which cost 100€ by the way! A nice cold walk home and I was back in her bed with her in my arms. Let me tell you, it does not matter how drunk you are, the feeling of having someone you care about in your arms is unbeatable. I have never enjoyed a night so much like I did with her. I mean honestly, that's when I realized that I was head over heels for a woman who doesn't even live in my country. I don't care though and that's the scary part. We came home on sunday and I decided it'd be a great idea to continue being drunk and get shit faced with half a liter of vodka. This is when I realized a lot about myself and her. This girl is obsessed with her phone and knew that it bothers me and didn't touch her phone ONCE! She knows I don't like smoking and didn't smoke! As I was too drunk to even by food she bought the food for me and sat next to me and didn't leave. What woman does something like that for a guy she just met? I don't why she did but I am so damn thankful. Well I spent sunday night away from her and it was a lonely night to say the least. She wanted to meet today to talk about ,,us'' and where we are going to go now. After an hour of talking we came to a conclusion and I couldn't be happier, ok well I could be happier if I could see her more. Long distance is always a challenge but not impossible. This girl is everything I want. I couldn't want more. I am hoping and praying that this is the one because she is just that damn amazing. I am begging what ever god who takes care of that shit, to make this work for me. She is so beautiful, and funny, and cute and unique. She will be a great mother and a great wife one day and I hope I am lucky enough to be blessed with such a beautiful soul. The next steps will be a tough set of steps but as my father always told me the best things in life come at a price. I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I don't want to lose her. My ex ruined me and confused me. I learned a lot about myself but I still have the fear of getting hurt. Josefine is still young and still makes mistakes. I hope she doesn't hurt me and I hope that she can fix the few problems and make them better. I hope I can help her with that process too. My biggest fear with her is that she will cheat or lie or leave me. It always happens to me, but I guess time will tell. Tonight sucks and I would do anything to relive this weekend over and over and get to be with her but unfortunately it is what it is. I am done rambling for tonight. Thanks if you took the time to listen!
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| This girl here <3 |
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