Today is not my day. Today I feel depressed and down. After finding out that all my stuff was stolen and that tonight will be the first time in two weeks that I will sleep at ,,home". I put home in quotation marks because to be honest it doesn't feel like home anymore. It feels like a nightmare. The closer it gets to me going there the more I start to panic. I don't want to be there and definitely not alone! Today is a very quiet and sad day for me because of that, but that is not the only reason I am upset. I am upset because I had to say goodbye once again. As time goes on it gets harder and harder to say goodbye to her. This weekend was more than special. I learned so much about her and she learnef about me and we just simply bonded. It was such a great time. It was sad at times but we opened up and it only made us stronger. I dont wanna say goodbye to her. I hope that one day she doesnt let me say goodbye. I hope that one day she forces me to stay so that we can be together. That would be a dream come true. I just have so much stress right now. I feel like im dying. Its been years since ive been so low into depression and I didn't miss it. Whats weird is when im with her, its 98% gone but as soon as I leave, I get slammed in the face with it all at once. Ive been over emotional and crying. I have health issues that I feel are slowly taking a toll on me and are gonna kill me. I feel homeless and the place that once was a home is no more. I feel empty and alone. I have a few friends but its hard to talk to them. Why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me? I want to be normal and live a happy life again. Everyone who i've talked to says I should up and move to her. That I am young and that I can make it happen there, I just have to fight. I am just so confused. Good thing is I get to see her thursday. I hope she locks me in her room and just lays next to me until the next time I have to say goodbye. I really do.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory-
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