The Transition From Boy To Man..

Berlin, den 25. Februar


         There comes a time in every man's life where he has to take control of the steering wheel and make decisions for himself. Everybody has their own definition of what being a man is all about, here is mine. I believe that becoming a man involves many factors: responsibilities, relationships and respect are the three R's to becoming a man in my eyes. I have lived quite the life I must admit. I have seen people be born and have seen people die, I have met some of the most famous people on this planet, I have partied in places you cant imagine, I have loved, and have had my heartbroken. For some people it may not sound so extravagant, but in my eyes I have experienced a lot for only being 22. The first thing that helped me become a man was learning what responsibility is about. I grew up with an amazingly fucked up family who I love. I had plenty of things handed to me but I also had to work for a lot of things.  Since I was 14 I was behind the bar carrying cases of beers in the bar. I was raised by my father under one motto and that was ,,If you want something in life you gotta go out and get it. No matter what it is''. This sounds pretty general, but it has a deeper meaning for me. My father taught me that there is no such thing as ,,free'', and that everything in love comes at a cost. At the age of 20, I decided while on vacation in my hometown in Berlin that I was going to give up my life and start off new. Some people would say that it was a mistake while others would say it was a blessing. Whatever it was, it has been quite the adventure. I have had my ups and downs while living here but this all contributed to the change into becoming the man I am today. I had to learn to ration my money, because I had none. I had to learn that clothes, shoes, and alcohol are luxuries and not necessities because I had to finance my whole apartment on my own. That meant, buy the stove, the fridge, the washer, etc. all on my own. Living here, on my own, has also taught me the responsibilities involved in being an adult: paying bills, going to work, going food shopping and so on. Keep in mind, I was a 20 year old single man. That shit was not easy! Thankfully, you live and you learn and after I made my mistakes I learned how to fix them and now things are much better. The second most influencing factor is relationships. I will be completely honest, from the ages of 14 until about 19 I was the biggest piece of shit on this planet. I used girls by telling them what they wanted to hear to get what I want. I was unfaithful, I lied, I played, I cheated, and much much more! I am still no angel, but I have learned from these bad habits and used them to help my friends avoid having the same done to them. I wish I could go back and apologize to every woman I lied to and lead on and in worst cases, broke their heart. They never did anything to deserve it. Shoot, some of those women are absolute keepers! I feel that those experience helped me a lot in shaping me into the man I am because I finally woke up and decided that instead of using those things negatively that I would use them for a good benefit. I swore to myself that I would do my best to not lie, or hurt, or such but rather be kinder, and love stronger, and be more supportive. Like I said, I am far from being perfect but I have promised myself to do my best to be the man I would want my daughter to marry. These past few months since my last relationship have been a roller coaster of emotions and realizations, and I am glad that I have gotten to where I am today. The last ,,R'' is for respect. The absolute most important part of being a real man. I lived my entire life up until about half a year ago completely without respect. I didn't give a shit about anything but myself, but all that has changed. I learned to treat people with kindness, I learned to hold the door open for people and to always smile. I learned that when you respect someone that it will take you much further in the long run. I have learned how great it feels to care about people and have them care about you. All that falls into respecting because you learn to look after others and not just yourself. Don't get me wrong here, you have to take care of yourself first. The key into living a long and happy life starts with you being happy with yourself. You have to learn to love yourself first before you can try to love someone else. At the end of the day, when I look back to who I once was and to who I now am, I cannot help but almost cry. It is like a night and day difference and I couldn't be happier. 5 years ago I would have stepped over a dead body just to get to my goal, but now I learned that the real goal in life has nothing to do with stepping over that body but rather acknowledging it and helping.

One of the greatest feelings a man can feel is appreciation. Since I have made this change I have met so many amazing people here. Every one of my true friends knows I love them and knows I am there for them, no matter what. I made every one of them a promise. A promise that I will always be there through thick and thin and will always be by their side where I can. I plan on keeping that promise until I am found six feet deep. The feeling I get when I come to work or meet with friends and see the glow of happiness when they see me, that is a feeling worth having, not the feeling of lying to get what I want. I wouldn't trade that feeling for the world. Nope. That is why I am proud of who I am and my transition from boy to man.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, feel free to ask me anything you wanna know. I am an open person and love my readers who take the time to listen to me babble.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
       Cory