Berlin, den 22. März
We met eight months ago online, I know, typical right? It all started with being dumb and liking one anothers pictures and somehow it progressed. We started talking. We starting writing and in the blink of an eye we're here now, today. The past eight months have been none the less than, how do I say, interesting? It has been filled with happiness and sadness, with confusion and illusion, and most importantly it has been filled with butterflies. The butterflies that bring me joy and happiness. I finally decided to take the next step in my life and that was to meet you. You didn't want to at first but i'm glad you did because you have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. There are people who will read this and laugh, maybe even be mad at me. My life has recently changed and it wasn't a progressing change. This change occurred before I could even blink my eyes. Everything I thought I knew about myself was all wrong. I learned that I really can love and that not everything has to have a negative. You taught me that people do love me even when I am not the nicest person. You taught me that there is purpose in life and that everything we do has its reasons. I have spent the last week of my life listening to love songs, walking around dancing and smiling, and simply full of joy. Anyone who knows me would never believe that because I am Cory, the most pessimistic person on this planet, but no! That has all changed thanks to you. You showed me how to find the sun on my rainiest days. I have to be honest. Up until about a week ago I never took you honestly. I thought this would be just some other girl, just some other day but man was I wrong. Really wrong! It's as if cupid shot me right in the ass with a super sized arrow. It blind sided me out of nowhere. I never know the feelings I have been feeling even existed! For anyone who has been following my blog, you would know that I haven't been the best person I could be. I have lied, cheated, and been a selfish person but you, you make me want to forget that past and be the best I can be. The true friends, the little that I have, all know how I feel about you and couldn't be happier because they know that deep down all I have is good intentions. My shady past makes it hard for me to have people believe me but none of that matters anymore because all that matters is you. I have met your friends and your family. They all loved me. Every girlfriend I have ever had, I have always tried to suck up and be the best and was fake to win their approval but with your friends and family I was just myself. I didn't try. I just acted true to myself. That says a lot for me. I love that they all support me. It's a great feeling knowing that I have people who see how I feel and wanna help make this distance not so hard. We have close to a thousand kilometers between us. One hour and thirty minutes in the plane. The flight? About 80€. It's a joke. The distance doesn't exist. A close friend once told me that god chooses the best people for distance because he knows they can take on a good challenge. I accept such a challenge with open arms. I would swim the four oceans and walk the seven continents just to find my way back to you. For once in my life I didn't rush. I made sure I didn't because I knew there was something special there. There are times where I hate you and think to myself how could such a beautiful person be so ugly but I have learned over the years that even the most beautiful souls have ugly days. I have learned with you to accept that there will be times we hate each other but that we won't give up there. That we will fight for what we, as a team, believe in and learn from our mistakes. I accept that you are far from perfect and that you have your flaws. I accept the perfect flaws with open arms. I accept your friends and family, your dreams, and anything else you have on your mind. I accept it all because I care so much about you. More than I thought I could ever care again. My dear friend is my hope for this, he has been years together with his now fiance. They have been the whole time in a long distance relationship and now engaged. They couldn't be happier with one another! I see an odd resemblance in our history to theirs. That gives me hope that we can truly make it. You have had a rough past. You have made your poor choices. You are now growing up and trying to come to terms with the choices of your past. Just know you have me at all times to help you through this. I was always told that if you wanna know if your long distance would work that you have to think in the future. Can you see yourself marrying them? Kids with them? Living with them? I asked myself all these questions recently and without hesitation I must say that I truly can. I think you'll be an amazing mother with the enormous heart you have. I think you could be an amazing wife if loved and respected properly. The good thing is I have also made my mistakes and learned from them. I know what not to do and I know what I should be doing. Every day is a learning experience for me and I hope that you see that in me, that I am trying. I haven't been this happy in years. I have had a rough past few years with moving across the world, health issues, financial hardships and on and on. I am writing all this because sometimes I just need to jot my feelings down. The whole point in this is so that I can talk about my feelings and not directly be judged. As I said, I am far from perfect but I will do my best to be the best man for you. That's my promise. Jag saknar dig.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
P.S. for the people who think I am stupid and have anything against my relationship, there is a delete button. Do me the favor and do it for me because I do not need negative people in my life.
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