Berlin, den 21. November
It's been quite a while since I have written on here due to work and what not but I need to vent a little again, so here I am. The past few weeks at work have been incredibly busy because November is our busiest month in my department. So i'll fill you guys in what you may have missed. I don't really have any contact more with my ex. Sometimes I really wanna text her but I have gotten my self control together and learned not to cave in. I was told I have Gallstones, which for my age is pretty rare so waiting for the test results to see what I need to do and what not. The worst of all right now is that I may have to move back to America, because the reality is now that me and her have broken up I cannot finance everything alone and it has been taking a toll on me. I have tried every outlet to get additional funding but I keep coming up dry. Hoping that my father can help me out for the time being so that I don't have to move. Sadly, this isn't a joke and is actually a very serious matter. As much as I may complain about being alone here and what not, I love my life here in Berlin. I have put so much time and effort to get my life going here that I will be devastated if I have to leave. All I can do right now is wait and hope for the best. I will also be without family for the first time ever over the holidays so that has got me a little down in the gutter. I found some other people that will be here without family too and am trying to plan an evening at my place where we can all cook, drink and enjoy the company of one another. We'll see how the development works out. I was seeing someone, kind of, but I got put in the friend zone (which really is no surprise with my luck). A few friends sat me down and told me what my issue was, seems to be that I am honestly too nice and put other people ahead of me and that I need to focus on myself and leave the search alone. Easier said than done but trying to do my best to take the advice. I hate being alone and honestly would just like to have a friend (or more..) be here every once in awhile to watch movies, or cook, or something. That's all. I think most people here tend to forget that I up and left a live 5.000 miles away from here and that I started here with nothing just over a year ago. That is not an easy transition for most people and there comes a lot of lows in the beginning because establishing a life in a city with 4 million people isn't necessarily a walk in the park. I had some friends get really mad at me for all my posts on Facebook and them being depressing, but if they understood all my stress and my situation I am sure they'd see things different, but I didn't say anything. It's hard to live a life focusing on myself when I am lonely, broke, sick, and stressed. I'm working on fixing all of that though, actively. It just takes time I guess and me as an impatient person needs to grasp that. There is a saying in German ,,alles mit der Ruhe'' which roughly translates to ,,with time''. That seems to be my life motto right now. We'll see what the coming weeks bring. I think i've written enough for today. I love to see my readers feedback so feel free to say something. Have a wonderful day world!
Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory
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