The Aftermath...

Berlin, den 19. Oktober

       So today is the first day of being so to say ,,single''. I can tell right off the bat I am not gonna be a fan of being without her, but what can someone do when the feelings just aren't there? Nothing. Just have to accept that it is over. Although, I have to say, as she was here yesterday.. for close to four hours, something just wasn't right. As she went through all her emotions and I told her what I felt, something didn't add up in my head. I have been in my fair share of good and bad relationships so I feel I can make a decent judgement now. To me, this isn't over and won't be for a while. She read my last blog and knows how I feel now. Now is the waiting game for me because I was always told that if you want something you have to fight for it and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Not the way I was before though, this time I will let her be herself and do what she wants and be there for her if she needs me. She wants her freedom of being alone and being able to do what she wants and not always have to feel she has to let me know what's going on. Those are normal traits in a relationship. That is why she has chosen to leave. We are not mad or bitter at one another. When she left last night it was like we were still together and was no longer a goodbye but rather a see you later. That is what didn't add up with me, if she TRULY wanted out and to be away then I would have felt that from her and not that a part of her still wants me. She can say what she wants but emotions and tears do not lie. So for now I am gonna do my best to not worry about it and try to live my life on my own again. If she wants me, which I think she still does, she'll realize after a period of time that she needs me back. If not, then it really was not meant to be but I am a pessimist and trying to be positive here. Negative thoughts bring negative events. I love her and will always be there for her. She has lightened up on being so cold and has been texting me slightly more. It's nice to hear from her, even if I cannot have her. I like to hear how her day was or what she did or anything honestly. I really do wish I could easily let go but I just can't. Something in me tells me not to. Today, I will try to meet up with people to side track my mind and I will probably clean the house and have some people over tonight. Well, that's all for today. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Cory