On the fence..

Freitag, den 4. Oktober

     I have been sitting on the fence the last couple of weeks whether or not I should give into the blogging or not. The last 24 hours have been an especially rough patch in my life so i have decided to give this thing called ,,blogging" a shot. So bear with me if I suck! I've spent the last 11 months with my wonderful girlfriend here in Berlin. In Germany if you didn't already know. The past 11 months have been nothing less than interesting. Most people start a relationship in the ,,Honeymoon" phase and progress from there, well, not us. Instead we did EVERYTHING humanly possible that  is taboo in a relationship. No need to go into detail, just take my word for it. For those of you wondering why i'm babbling about my relationship, well, because we've recently split up...or not.. or well, honestly I do not know what is happening. Ok so back to the relationship. We did everything backwards. We fought and screamed and yelled and struggled in the beginning but as time went on, we pushed through the hell that was and finally saw the light in the relationship. The last few months have been absolutely incredible, aside from the left over bickering from the beginning. I mean, I have never felt so close to one person as I do with her. I cannot lie, in the start of the relatioinship I really did not give her the love she deserved, and maybe that is why I am where I am today. Who knows! As time progressed, so did we. What once was a bitter morning full of arguing and stress is now joyful with cuddling and kissing. What once was a dreadful night out on the town has become an adventure that I could not imagine embarking on with anyone else. I mean I think I really love this woman, and for anyone who knows me, can vouch for me and say that is a BIG step for me. As of now, it does not really matter how I feel because I am sitting in the mall with nothing to do but write a stupid blog to people who probably could care less. Something went wrong in the relationship, and she has lost the feelings needed to progress into a deeper love. It tears me apart just thinking about it but who am I to keep her from being happy? All in all, her happiness is all that matters to me. I have a lot of respect for women like her who go against all odds and leave the small-town life, leave the family, the friends, and the life they once had to explore the world and what beautiful places she has to offer. I mean, my girlfriend is a trooper. She has made it through it all! That is why I know she will make some man happy one day and be an outstanding mother to her children. It is sad to think that I cannot be the person to bring her these treasures but one has to accept the others choices. I do not hate her, nor am I bitter or mad. I am of course spiralling into sadness, which is of course expected after a year of living with your significant other. Luckily, I had a good guy friend stay over last night to help comfort me. I could go on for hours on how much I wish for her to come back to me but I think I have written enough for this post. Feel free to leave comments and thoughts. Thanks for hearing me out.

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back then they are yours; If they do not then they never were." -Richard Bach

mit freundlichen Grüßen,
     Cory