When Emotions Visit...

Berlin, den 13. Oktober


      Today I wanna talk about emotions. More specifically the emotions that over the past weeks have come into my life. The reason for this is for anyone who may want to move overseas, they need to know what comes with those decisions. I moved here in July 2012, moved into my apartment in August 2012, and began my german courses in November 2012. So The firs half of year was full of excitement and trying to do everything to integrate into Berlin. If there is one thing the germans hate, then it is the fact that plenty of people move here from other countries and refuse to assimilate into the german lifestyle and culture. Now that the excitement has died down and a lot of daily activities have now become routine: going food shopping, going to work, paying bills, and such. I have started to realize things about myself that I never learned before. The first thing I learned that is a major hinderance is that I am a hypochondriac. I knew before that I was one but living here on my own out of my comfort zone has made me realize it 100 times more. Alongside being a hypochondriac I have accepted I have a stress disorder with anxiety and depression. What I find to be the most interesting here is that my depression isn't always there and comes quite seldom. Of course, I miss my family and friends every day and every once in a while there will be a day I will honestly be depressed and wish they were here but for the most part I get by just fine. I have also learned that I thought I was an independent person. I am actually quite co-dependent, which I have realized in my current relationship. Which brings me to my next subject: my relationship. I met her in November last year and since then we have moved in together (which we both have agreed was jumped into a bit too fast). We definitely have our issues, but most if not all have been addressed and have been for the most part resolved. Living in another country and having a relationship also in the first year is a HUGE commitment because it is so much to take in at one time, but I have absolutely ZERO regrets in that subject. I couldn't be happier that she is the one I got to spend the last eleven months with. She is honestly a phenomenal woman. We currently have our issues that I honestly cannot say I am positive we will make through. If we don't, then so be it because her happiness is all that matters to me at this point and if I cannot make her happy the way she needs then I want her to find her happiness elsewhere. Of course, I pray that we make it through because this is the first woman to get me to change my ways and even openly cry. She has made me the man I am today, and got the boy from yesterday away. For that, she will always have a special place with me. The reason I say this is because the emotion I have learned here was love, and I know that it is love for me because normally I would have kicked and screamed but with her I simply let it be. Since I have been with her I have gone deeper and deeper into emotions and I have to say at first it is the scariest feeling in the world because you are afraid that this will be the last relationship for you, or think ,,What Ifs'', or think you won't get to be yourself anymore. After all that subsides, you get this overwhelming feelings of joy. I mean honestly, it is an AMAZING feeling/emotion to have because you feel you can climb the highest mountains and dive the deepest waters. You feel like the doctor could tell you that you have cancer and have a limited time to live and you respond with a simple ,,that's fine I have the person I love and that's all I need''. I do not wanna drag this subject any further because I think my point was made. On a side note: anyone afraid of being in love, DO NOT be, trust me! Ok continuing. Another thing I have learned about myself here is how to handle stress. Now trust me when I say living overseas is an amazing choice! Because it is definitely true but everything that glistens isn't always gold. Stress comes with this decision, and a lot of it! In this given moment I am experiencing stress financially, in my relationship, at my work, with my family, with my health, and on and on. I have learned to cope with these issues over the years and have perfected my methods here. I haven't learned how to fully rid of the stress because once a week I have a day where I could simply run a marathon from frustration. Over time I will get it under control but for now I need to live with it. So to summarize what I have learned here: I have learned that I am an extreme hypochondriac and have a major fear of illness, I have learned that I suffer from GAD and depression, I have learned that it is never easy living without family and best friends, I have learned that I am co-dependent, I have learned that love is such an amazing gift, and last but not least I have learned how to better handle my stress. Now who thinks I am crazy? Don't be afraid, sometimes I think to myself ,,what happened''? That's all for today. Like always feel free to message or comment me. I love hearing feedback!

mit freundlichen Grüßen,
     Cory